So it seems my last post caused quite the uproar. I have no idea why Josh's mistress feels the need to stalk me, but apparently she doesn't like the truth. I was asked by Josh to remove the post. On digging a little deeper it was only because she was offended. He had not even read it! It disgusts me that he is willing to jump to her defense with her hurt feelings when he never did the same for me. On top of that she disrespected me in the worst way imaginable when she knowingly and willingly slept with my husband. So if you are still reading this, get it through your head: this is my blog. In order to read it you have to look for it. Do not censor me as you are the one choosing to read this. This is for me and my ability to move on from the abuse I feel I received and has nothing to do with you. It is very clear you are controlling josh as he never makes decisions for himself. Just wait until he starts blaming you for all the choices you will have to step up and make. You got yourself a cheater, think about that the next time you don't know where he is at. Take everything you already took and caused and leave me alone. You want me to stop talking about you, then stop reading my blog!
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Livid
So not sure who missed (probably no one as how public it was made) but my soon to be ex got very upset that I posted on my blog that he walked away from the children. Upon talking to him further I found out the only reason he was reading my blog was because his mistress and her family have been reading it. I don't even know where to begin I am just so upset. As you know I set up this blog THREE years ago as a journal and a way to share my writing and I have left the privacy setting pretty open because I have nothing to hide and enjoy sharing my life and experiences with my friends, but I am disgusted that the woman who helped destroy my marriage is reading this. I have lost so much and been dragged through the mud and blamed for things that I had no control over and now, now I feel I have lost the only source I had to express myself..
My husband cheated on me and left me and my children for another woman! I have done the very best I can to not let this eat me up and kill me inside. I have tried not to belittle him or his mistress and instead focus on myself and how dare she intrude on my life more than she already has! She got him, not that he is worth having as all he has been is a lie and a cheat. take him and leave me and my children alone. Do you know that I am so against the type of person and example you are that I made sure to include it in the paperwork (and Josh agreed to) to NEVER let you around my children and I can have that legally enforced? You got him. He walked away from his wife and his children for you so make your own family like you are already planning and leave me and mine alone. 74 days and then it isn't adultery for you anymore!
My husband cheated on me and left me and my children for another woman! I have done the very best I can to not let this eat me up and kill me inside. I have tried not to belittle him or his mistress and instead focus on myself and how dare she intrude on my life more than she already has! She got him, not that he is worth having as all he has been is a lie and a cheat. take him and leave me and my children alone. Do you know that I am so against the type of person and example you are that I made sure to include it in the paperwork (and Josh agreed to) to NEVER let you around my children and I can have that legally enforced? You got him. He walked away from his wife and his children for you so make your own family like you are already planning and leave me and mine alone. 74 days and then it isn't adultery for you anymore!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
hope you aren't getting sick of me
So you may not like all the pics I keep posting of myself, but they are a motivator for me, so haha guess you are forced to view them in all my progress :)
Friday, January 3, 2014
March 25, 2014
that is the date of our hearing and should be the date our divorce is finalized. Finally have a day to count down to. 81 days until I can officially move on.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
dissapointment
So the doctor did not have me pick a cup size as he showed me the natural crease under my breast and said "natural" it to that crease and not over. He assumed natural for me would be a C...went bra shopping today and after being measured and after trying everything on I am a 36D (and a larger D rather than a smaller D) I now have two bras and I am still super excited, but scared. I grew after having each child and still want more children, but I just can't do anything over a D again. sigh. still super emotional and sore and blah blah blah. should probably just go to sleep and be grateful for all I have. Goodnight.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Crazy Emotional
I hate when I don't feel in control and sadly, that has been most of my married life. I have been working really hard to establish control over myself and my life by taking charge and mapping out just what and who I want to be, but there are still those days that these crazy emotions take over and I lose control all over to the blubbering, boiling mess I become.
I have been very uncomfortable as I am again having an allergic reaction to the tape used in my incisions. I would just take the tape off, but there are no staples or stitches, just the tape holding me together. Oh and did I mention no one has been in the office the last two days? I have an appointment tomorrow, but the itching is a constant and it is red and swelling in irritation and is more sore now than it was after the procedure, meaning I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere and still have to take medication, which lets be honest, just does not make me a good mom as I am lethargic and tired all the time. My three year old and one year just don't understand and I am at the end of my rope as they both scream and cry for me or continually knock me where I am still so sore and irritated. Don't get me wrong, it is worth all of this, but it is so hard to not feel down and sorry for myself as this is not the life I worked so hard for. This is not what I was promised. I would not have had two kids if I knew I had to raise them on my own. Now I wouldn't trade either of them for anything, but I was promised an eternal spouse. I was promised they would have a father so that when I did decide to take care of myself, I wouldn't have to doubt and triple calculate just to make sure I can take care of their needs as well as my own. It hurts so much and makes me so mad that while I am here recovering from surgery and trying to take care of two kids under the age of three, the person who promised me so many things is now miles away living with another woman, doing whatever it is he wants to do, with no thought as to how his actions affect those around him. I know his judgment will come and he will answer for his actions, but it just doesn't seem fair that everyday is such a fight for me due to his choices. He was a great husband. A great dad and he is gone. Now? Now I am to the point I dream of marrying someone new who will adopt my children and be a dad to them that no longer exists in their lives.
I understand that it is necessary to deal with these emotions and cry the way I do, but I hate that I even have tears left to cry for or because of him. He doesn't deserve my tears, but obviously, I still do so cry, cry, cry.
I have been very uncomfortable as I am again having an allergic reaction to the tape used in my incisions. I would just take the tape off, but there are no staples or stitches, just the tape holding me together. Oh and did I mention no one has been in the office the last two days? I have an appointment tomorrow, but the itching is a constant and it is red and swelling in irritation and is more sore now than it was after the procedure, meaning I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere and still have to take medication, which lets be honest, just does not make me a good mom as I am lethargic and tired all the time. My three year old and one year just don't understand and I am at the end of my rope as they both scream and cry for me or continually knock me where I am still so sore and irritated. Don't get me wrong, it is worth all of this, but it is so hard to not feel down and sorry for myself as this is not the life I worked so hard for. This is not what I was promised. I would not have had two kids if I knew I had to raise them on my own. Now I wouldn't trade either of them for anything, but I was promised an eternal spouse. I was promised they would have a father so that when I did decide to take care of myself, I wouldn't have to doubt and triple calculate just to make sure I can take care of their needs as well as my own. It hurts so much and makes me so mad that while I am here recovering from surgery and trying to take care of two kids under the age of three, the person who promised me so many things is now miles away living with another woman, doing whatever it is he wants to do, with no thought as to how his actions affect those around him. I know his judgment will come and he will answer for his actions, but it just doesn't seem fair that everyday is such a fight for me due to his choices. He was a great husband. A great dad and he is gone. Now? Now I am to the point I dream of marrying someone new who will adopt my children and be a dad to them that no longer exists in their lives.
I understand that it is necessary to deal with these emotions and cry the way I do, but I hate that I even have tears left to cry for or because of him. He doesn't deserve my tears, but obviously, I still do so cry, cry, cry.
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