Panoramic View

As many of you know the last several years of my life have been nothing but hardship and one trial right after another.  For years it feels as if every step is a fight an d a struggle as if slowly walking up a mountain with hopes of something on the other side.  deployment, fire, miscarriage, divorce; trudging every day, believing if I just keep going, even if only a step, I might keep from falling down the slippery ravine. So step after step I have pushed, well beyond the strength I believe I had and even though I have wanted to give up at just about every point, I did not.  Every day is still a struggle, but I feel The peek is finally in view.  I am so close to reaching the top in order to behold all the blessing and hopes to come in my future.  All the work, all the pain, somehow pales a little knowing I am coming up to the top.  Coming up to the goal and although I may fall and slide a little on my way down to all the beauty I see, I am at least on my way down.  Stronger for the battle and fight I put in.

Um yes, yes I did

So I know it has been a couple of days, been busy and dealing with the emotions of being overwhelmed with sick kiddos, but today I am posting as today I fit into a new, smaller pant size.  Once again I am disgusted at how much I let myself go because of how unhappy I was and because I allowed others and myself to treat me poorly, so it is nice to be finding the sexy, smart, confidant, independent Cherish again.  Sadly when we moved from TN I was in an 18/20 pant size.  Well today I am officially in a 12 (and after two children, a lot of that is hip)  Getting closer and closer to my goal weight everyday and feeling great as I learn to love my body and the work I put into it.

Why we should demand respect

Respect is an ambiguous word as every person has their own meaning and definition as to what respect means and looks like.  Sadly, I feel the word often times does not have a high enough value attached to it as we tend to undervalue ourselves for whatever reason.

When I was 19 I was green.  On my own, but new to the world as an “adult.”  I felt I knew exactly what respect was as I watched the relationship of my mother and father and their happy marriage of many, many years.  Despite seeing this love and respect, I didn’t realize how my own insecurities and self hatred corrupted the value into something less than what it was meant to be.  Although not at all accurate, let me use a number scale to make my point.  Say I am an 8, but only see myself as a 5.  If I see myself as a five, I am not going to demand the same respect, love, admiration, etc as an 8.  Therefore by devaluing myself, I devalue the respect I receive. 

I am only learning now, that I had been guilty of this undervaluing of myself ten years ago when I met Josh. Because I devalued my own worth, I undermined myself, accepting less than what I truly deserved.  This didn’t prove to be too much of a problem, until our relationship began to sour.  The more unhappy he became, the more he attached, and I allowed him to attach, his negative emotions to me, which only further lowered the number I assigned myself and therefore lowered the respect I demanded.  What resulted is over the years our relationship deteriorated, so did the respect I received.  I took more disrespect and less love as that is how I allowed myself to be viewed.

However, after emerging from the toxicity of such a relationship I had begun to realize just how low I viewed and treated myself.  I began working to see myself for what I used to be and relied on friends and family to build me up as I see my worth.  I have to admit I have two friends as of recently who have given me a whole new level of insight.  Going back to the number example, I now see myself as an 8.  I no longer devalue myself and demand the love and respect and 8 deserves.  These two friends of mine though have set a higher standard.  They give me the love and respect of a 10 as they say that is the worth of every woman, and that is the worth in which they see me.  I have been surprised, softened and encouraged to see this respect and have learned through them that when these men respect me more, I respect myself more. I love myself more and I set my worth and my value at the level God intended: 10.  One with lineage and royalty to be an Heavenly Daughter and Queen.

So, remember your value.  Remember your self worth and only surround yourself with people who magnify your worth and potential!

Amen

151.6

Why yes, that is my new weight.  It is such a blessing to see the progress made as the new me comes together. Officially down 38.4 lbs!!! 

still no make up, but feeling good.

LASIK

So I realize I have no updated since I got LASIK last Wednesday.  The process itself was not enjoyable at all, but obviously doable and at ten minutes an eye, something I would do again in a heartbeat.  My eyes are still a little red, feel a little dry and get tired.  I still have a halo affect and my vision takes a while to adjust sometime, but after only a couple days I can safely drive by myself and see very similarly to the way I did with glasses and things will only get better with time as things repair and focus into place.  I have caught  myself going to adjust my glasses several times out of habit and laugh knowing that is something I will no longer have to worry about. 
I still cannot wear make up for another week, but when I can get ready for a whole new set of pictures showing of the Cherish who is ready to start 2014 the right way: loving herself as she picks herself up yet again...ok new paragraph as we somehow got into third person :)
So overall, I am still recovering from the LASIK and surgery, but I have never been happier about who I am and how I am feeling. :)

D&C 98:23

"Now I speak unto you concerning your families - if men will smite you, or your families once and ye bear it patiently and revile not against them, neither seek revenge, ye shall be rewarded."