F week

I am several weeks late posting this, but things have been crazy as both my kids had their birthday last week.  So here is F week:

Monday:

Making an F with his dot marker

Making a f. f. face

Tuesday: frog day

make a frog out of the letter F

feeding the frog flies

A race to see which fast frog went the farthest!

Window catcher frogs

Wednesday: Fish day

A fish made out of the letter F

Making an F with fish!

Going fishing!

This was the flying fish activity.  F, f, f, f ,had to be said and then the goal was to fly the fish into the bathtub.  We ended up playing this for a good twenty minutes!

Thursday: the kid's got up from their quiet time to find flies tapes all over the house.  My son has no problem telling me the sound each letter makes, but forgets the name of the letter.  So for this activity he had to say the letter F, fly before swatting.

Fox out of the letter F

Of course while we worked we listened to "What does the Fox Say"

Then it was time for stickers of flowers

To finish up the day, we did a fire truck puzzle we already had

Fire truck puzzle in front of his Fire house!

Back here again

For years, I saw my life crumble down around me.  Like a prisoner I allowed myself to be trapped, thinking, feeling that this was my circumstance and I just had to endure.  Endure and then endure more; still.  Then my circumstances changed and I felt worse than ever at the rubble around my feet.  How was I supposed to endure this?  I told myself enduring wasn't enough.  I had to work.  So work I have.  Work. Work and then work some more and although life is better than it was a year ago, here it is once again 12:46 in the morning and I am here on my blog because I cannot sleep and mean, taunting voices are pulling my thoughts to the dark hole I buried them in as I dug myself free.  The dark voices that tell me that due to my health, since I hadn't been able to work out regularly, I have gained back 15lb that took me over six months to lose the last time.  It is nagging deep down inside my belly, reminding me that I no longer have a husband or a home or space to call my own.  That despite my very best efforts, I will only amount to a single mom and like it or not, it will never be as good as what a mom and dad can offer.  A voice that dredges up my every mistake, bashing against my ego and self esteem.  The very self esteem I have worked so long and hard on, to find just how vulnerable it still is when every lonely night makes me miss what I no longer have and hate myself for somehow not having it.  I read my scriptures.  I say my prayers and still I am just too weak.  too  imperfect. Too lost. Never good enough.  Never strong enough.  Never enough.

Matt and I have gone from dating to casual dating.  Things didn't feel right, although the word yet keeps coming to mind, it was still hard not to see all the red flags that showed me we were just not on the same page, or the same stage of life.  I do care very much for him, but it all just feels so confused.  And nights like these, I can't help but think of my ex husband.  I wasn't supposed to have to ever date again.  He was supposed to be my forever and I foolishly believed in forever, when it is clear that was only his belief for little over a year of our marriage.  I shouldn't have to feel alone and scared of never trusting someone again or scared of never feeling the way I felt with him ever again.  Despite what I was to him; he was my anchor for nine years and I did; I anchored myself to him and now a year later he comes to mind and I hate that I still think of him and I hate that I think of him, when I hate myself the most.  Because how is that love? and why is it, that I want what I had with him, all over again, but with someone new?  I hate not knowing where I am going or what person is the right person, or choice, is the right choice.  I hate feeling so lost and so confused. And that is why I haven't posted in so long.  How am I supposed to talk about me, when I don't know where I am at?  When I have a positive filter on so that while I am still dealing with a lot of crap, I am glossing over it just reminding myself, I am doing all that I can.  But tonight, that just isn't enough.  I am sick, I am in pain (as always) and I just don't have any more endurance or fight to work left in me and I can't even sleep to be a functioning mom come tomorrow which really sucks because no matter what, those two kiddos of mine get up, bright and early (and sometimes just early) expecting me to meet their needs.  And I sit here hating myself as I wonder, how can I meet their needs, when I cannot even meet my own? 

Why does everyone buy into the happy Cherish?  Because I am that convincing? because I should be healed and moved in already? or because it is easier to accept me happy than who I am sad?  I am half tempted to give up dating altogether for a while, stop trying so hard and just see what comes to me, but then again, how do I live with myself when nothing comes or when I still don't know what to do with what is in front of me?

1:13 AM and five tissues later and sadly I am no closer to sleep.  Pray for me.

E week!

As always E week was a lot of fun, but required a lot of preparation on my part as you will see, so I have decided to make F week a light week in terms of the prep. work so as not to wear myself out.

 

 

We started the Monday with E the elephant who liked to exercise.  Dorian used my 2 lb weigh to make the e, e, e, sound as I read the story.  My son then practiced writing the letter E for the first time.

Connect the dot alphabet to make the picture of E the elephant.

This took so much work, but I found a picture of an unhappy elephant and added a ton of reasons for the elephant to be unhappy.  I then gave the kids a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers for them to examine the elephant!  It was a lot of work, but the kids loved it!

E worksheet

Elephant day just wouldn't be complete without elephant hats!

 

 

Tuesday: Egg day

 The kids were a little leery about eating the green eggs, but ended up eating them all...and since then have had to make colored eggs every morning for breakfast :)

 worksheet

 Easter Egg hunt!

 Wednesday (E bodyparts)
Luckily, being so close to Halloween, we found a bag of chocolate eyes! The kids glued this to the letter E after taste testing a few of them

After eyes, we painted using only our elbows!

Messy, but tons of fun!

This activity took the most time, but was a big success.  I drew monsters, eyes, ears and eyebrows and allowed the kids to switch them up, taking turns to make a different monster each time.

The animals we made out of the letter E

Friday: review and electricity
My friend brought over his Van de Graff Generator as we talked about electricity.  My son LOVED this so much, that even my mom came in to see what all the giggling was about  :)