writing group: lyrics

I hope that you see right through my walls I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling.  I've never let a love get so close; you put your arms around me and I'm home.

When I listen to music, I listen to the melodic tunes of the song, but more specifically, I listen to the lyrics.  Lyrics are poems put to words; emotions expressed through words.  So when a particular lyric sticks with me, I usually find some emotional connection to it.  In fact, that’s why I have a hard time listening to songs I listened to ten years ago: because there are so many memories and emotions tied to every song that for me it is more emotional than looking at a stack of pictures.  The lyrics above I heard in the car while driving to post with my husband and I couldn’t help but thinking; if I wrote a song five years ago, this is what I would have written.   

When I first met my husband I was at a precipice in my life.  I had just spent my first year at college on my own and I was feeling pulled and conflicted at who I was or what I was supposed to be.  I felt as if the previous nineteen years of my life I had only been a mold my parents had created and didn’t know who I was or even what I wanted to be; I just knew I was unhappy.  I felt like I couldn’t meet my parent’s expectations and in doing that, I didn’t meet my own.  I was feeling vulnerable and began putting up these proverbial walls to try and keep people out: to keep people from knowing what a mess I felt I was inside.

And then I met my husband.  Never before had I met someone who I felt to see into my very soul.  We communicated without talking and instantly seemed to know the other.  In three days I felt he knew me just as well as my closest friends.  And in this chaotic swirling mass of emotions and doubt that I was he saw me and he loved me.  So although I felt like I was falling, I felt like I had someone I could cling to and more importantly, someone strong enough to hold me up from hitting rock bottom.  We spent hours in each other’s arms and just the intimacy of holding one another, knowing the other was always there was a safety net I felt I had never known before.  After we were married I told him that my favorite place in the world to be was in his arms.  Five and half years later and that still remains the same.  In fact I believe it more strongly now. 

During our marriage my husband has had to spend a lot of time away due to jobs, training, and deployment.  In five years of marriage, I have lived with him for two and a half of it.  This separation has been trying and downright brutal.  While he is away I have stayed at our apartment or house, or traveled to be with family, but it isn’t home until he is here with us.  So when he puts his arms around me, I am home.