A little more about me

I know I have been good about posting preschool stuff and not so great about updating things going on in my life.  I guess I have been trying to ignore everything as things seem to be moving very quickly.  I know a while back I mentioned that I was seeing a doctor about back and leg pain I have dealt with ever since the car accident and surgeries ten years ago.  The doctor I was seeing essentially said my pain and injuries were outside her scope and there was nothing more she could do for me. I appreciated her honestly and her making sure I was able to get the information needed to another doctor:

After meeting with the second doctor, many things were confirmed.  Basically, there are two probabilities:1. I have severe nerve damage; meaning either a pinched or damaged nerve(s) or 2. having my spinal column suffer 60-70% damage during the accident and L1 shatter, my pain very well may be residual affects of spinal injury.  I am blessed to be alive and walking, but my spinal column was seriously damaged and I may still be (and forever be) experiencing pain from that.  Both doctors agreed that I needed x-rays and MRIs done to ensure the four pounds of hardware in my back are in no way damaging or making situations worse.  until then, I have been given A LOT of medication.  I am most excited about the nerve medicine as that is where I hope the problem lies and if this medication can help me manage this pain, then I will be elated.  I was also given muscle relaxants, pain pills, anti inflammatory cream and lidocaine patches in a hope to find relief and find what works and what does not in an attempt to help locate the source of the problem. 

For years I have suffered with this pain, with promises from the doctors that it would get better.  Give it time.  Let my body heal.  Loose the weight.  Loose the volume of breast. Wear different shoes. Well I have done it all and my road had run out.  I always looked down at having to take medication for pain and instead buried within myself and pushed through it.  Situations are different now.  I am a full time, single mom.  24-7 I am in charge of my 1 and 3 year old and my body is worn out.  There are still areas on my back and knee that just about kill me if they are touched and I feel like I am somehow failing when every time a storm rolls in it is TV time for the kids just so I can sit on my heat pad.  It is getting to the point, that since I never have the break I need to recharge my mind and rest my body, my ailments are cutting into what I can accomplish on a day to day basis.  This is why I began seeing a doctor again after so long and it feels good to have the validation that this pain is real, it is serious and I am doing great considering.  I am learning to be okay with taking medicine when I need it and recognizing when it is okay to hurt a little and when to take medication because I don't have to hurt.