Married!

I know, I know, it has been waaaaaay too long since I have posted. Funny how when life is good, I no longer feel the need to write everything down. Writing is a very cathartic thing for me. What can I say, life has been good. Within the first couple days of the new 2016 year I had an old friend from college call me up and ask me to hang out. This is something we have done for years at a time so I assumed it would be the same as every other time. Like every other time I felt the little butterflies in my stomach as we connected emotionally over conversation and memories. Like every other time we talked for hours and after our four hour conversation and he brought me home, I still was not ready for our time together to end. Ryan was invited inside and we talked for hours more, long into the night. I picked up on flirtation, but that that had always been a common component in our relationship that there began to be a twinge of concern and confusion as I wasn't sure if this was just us old friends hanging out, or if this was in fact a date. The nerve fluttered harder within my belly as I recounted for years when Ryan and I would hang out like this I would always feel so fulfilled, but then he would disappear for several months before we hung out again. Since I had had such a wonderful evening, I wanted more. I set up a time for Ryan to return the next day which he happily agreed to.  The next day was much like the first. Conversation was easy as was his company, but I struggled over and over in my mind to see if this was once again a friendship outing or the possibility of something more. After dinner and driving home, I was unable to bare it any longer. I very bluntly asked Ryan if he considered this outing a date. A little sheepishly, he replied that he considered it a date. I let him know that I had been hopping that's how he felt and from there on out my confidence soared as I was now very interested and on a date with one of my best friends who I had known for 10 years. There was no needing to fill him in on my life with Josh as he and Josh used to be very good friends. He watched as my marriage had declined. he watched as my relationship with Matt waxed and then waned and now finally after 10 years of my relationships he admitted his innocent crush he had always had on me. It was that night that we shared in our first kiss. There was an instant connection and from there on out, I knew I wanted to follow this through as I knew I had more than just a crush. We continued to date either every day or every other day, spending all of our free time with each other. it was in our second week of dating that I knew in my heart without doubt that Ryan was the man I was to marry. Never before I my life had I ever felt the spirit witness something so strong to me and so quickly. Me, someone who doubts, questions, and probes until I feel safe, was at a loss for all the sudden just knowing that this was it. There were no doubts as every time I started to the spirit again would witness the truth of our love and the direction we were heading.  It took Ryan a little longer to come to that conclusion, but it still wasn't long. He loves me and he loves the kids that after only three months we were already discussing marriage. Again it helped that we had known each other for ten years as we knew each other very well. Our relationship was already developed. I knew his fault as well as mine and the only progression was from friendship into something more.  At four months. Ryan and I went hiking with the kids and hiked and climbed to the very top of Castle Rock. There Ryan gave me a book of poems by my favorite poet with little notes on poems that meant something to him. He then had Amellia bring me the ring box which I opened to find a penny with the date of 2005, which was the year we first met. He then got down on one knee and proposed to me. I instantly said yes as again I knew with every fiber of my being that this is what was right for me and my family. Ryan didn't fill in holes or gapes in my life, instead he magnified all the good I had in my life. We don't NEED Ryan, we LOVED and WANTED Ryan for all that he did to make life better than what we already had.
It was only a week after that, that I had my third back surgery to remove the hardware that was broken inside of my back. It was another long recovery as once again they cut through all the muscles in my back. After two months it was clear to see that while they took out the broken hardware, it had not improved any of my pain and it was determined by my doctor that there was nothing left to do that would take any of the pain away. I was devastated. I had been given hope that this surgery might help alleviate at least some of my pain, to then again be told that this was pain I will just have to live with the rest of my life. Ryan was supportive and loving through it all. He stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital and waited on me hand and foot, taking care of the kids while I recovered. Recovery was slow, but you know me, I won't let anything hold me back. Ryan encouraged an pushed me in all the best ways and before I knew it: I knew I was once again well enough to be married.  Ryan and I began planning. Ryan and I met up in Fort Collins while we were attending Colorado State University, so it made perfect sense that we should be married up in the new Fort Collins temple, which we were on November 11, 2016. I have found the missing piece to our family and I couldn't be any happier as we start our life together. Thank you again for your patience as my free time went toward courting the man I was to marry. I will try and post more frequently and share all the dirty little tid-bits of my life as I stubble upon them as well as what Ive been learning in my scripture study. I hope you all are well and thanks for still checking my blog!