We all
have trials and tribulations we are forced to encounter in this mortal life. It is these trials that define who and what
we are. I have always been a strong
believer that everything happens for a reason; meaning we are never weaker than
the task or trial given up. It is up to
us, and us only to decide if we can rise to the challenge or become a victim of
circumstance. I bring this up because I
realized the other day I have been playing the role of victim and I was highly disappointed
in myself after always making a conscious effort to be empowered rather than
victimized. I believe this attitude
began when Josh and I started having some difficulties. I felt I had done all I could, which I still
believe, but in my mind that justified my right to feel wronged. (I know that
is worded awkwardly, yet I feel that best describes how I felt). Although I did try to rise above the hurt and
anger I was experiencing to fix my situation, I simultaneously began searching
for the “cause” of such heartache. One
area in particular kept coming into focus and although I feel it deserves all
the wrath and loathing I have given it; I ended up making myself the victim of
its abuses.
I respect every men and woman who dedicate their time and
lives to defend this country and I stand behind them %150 percent. However, I do not support the institution of
the Army. I do not agree with how it is
run, organized, enforced, or managed. I
feel that the time we have spent with the Army, has been some of the hardest
times of our lives as I feel we have been dealt abuse after abuse. The latest was this: As you know while I was pregnant I
encountered some difficulties which placed me on bed rest and made my pregnancy
high risk. Josh informed his officers of
my condition and for the last month and a half Josh has not had to perform extra
duty (which really isn’t a big deal as there are many men who go months without
duty due to a lack of need). Well, Josh returned to work on Monday after his
ten days of maternity leave and although his officers knew I had a c-section
and we had a newborn at home, still assigned him CQ duty which means he had to
work half the weekend and didn’t even get to come home Friday night. Here I am two weeks post partum where I have
been told to not even carry my newborn up the stairs by myself due to the
strain on my body and I am forced to not only care for the newborn but my two
year old son all by myself for two days straight. I had to push myself physically and
emotionally and the issue wasn’t whether I could do this or not as I would do
anything to care for my children; I was upset that I should have to. I felt I was once again a victim to the Army
and their controlling officers, because duty (sitting around all night in case
someone called the CQ phone) was more important than family.
You know what though?
I made it through those two days on my own just fine, despite the
impromptu doctors visit that included taking both kids out of the house on my
own. That’s when it hit me: I was given
this task to give me the confidence that I can be a mom to two and I can multi-task
and meet the needs of both children.
When I got over feeling sorry for myself, I was able to see what it was
I learned and accomplished.
In short, don’t make yourself the victim; you’re stronger
than that!
No comments:
Post a Comment