No Light Left

Actually spoke on the phone with Josh for the first time in two weeks (yup he hasn't come to see his kids and has only attempted to call them twice for less than two minutes each) as he wanted to set up a time where he could come over and see the children.  We worked out something that was best for both of us and told him I would like an apology for how he had treated me.  You know, all the curse words, F you, and nasty texts, etc.  Of course he refused, basically saying he knows he got mad, but essentially, I deserved it and he had no apology for me, but only for my father who he had gotten involved.  I just don't get it.  I apologized for posting things about him, but still let him know I had a right to share my emotions.  I apologized for sharing personal information and from him, nothing, as always.  He argued that people were harassing Tasha's family about what I am posting and this seems a little absurd.  I have never used Tasha's full name (and to be fair Tasha is a nick name and not even her legal name) so what that means is the only people who know it is her, are the people who know her.  Her friends, her family.  So if they are getting any sort of bounce back, then I suggest she deal with her own family and friends rather than blaming me for posting the truth about my ex husband's affair. 
I am hurt and upset as always that Josh finds it not only normal, but justifiable to be not only mean, but down right disrespectful to me.  I wish I could talk to him and work these emotions out with him, but when I only get anger and F you, then sadly this is my only source to deal with the emotions I have.
I am also very frustrated as when texting Tasha she claimed that she was unaware of Josh's infidelity and that she had been fed lies as well (although some of this does not match up with calls and texts I have made to her).  I prefaced that it was none of my business, but asked that if it had in fact been a bunch of lies for her as well, what that meant for her relationship with Josh.  She texted back saying she didn't know how she could continue on in it when it was based on lies.  Guess what though? yup, just more deceit as I know they are still together.  Now don't get me wrong, I have no intention of splitting them up as I could care less, but what drives me crazy is all the deceit.  Why the hiding and lying?  It just further proves all my instincts are correct.  Despite what some of you may believe, I am ready to move on, but trust with me has to be earned and if anyone ever wants time alone with my children, that is the number one factor.  In a nut shell: Josh and Tasha can have whatever life they have created for themselves.  They deserve all they get, good and bad. I don't care, but when it involves my kids, then we have an issue.  Josh granted me full custody and if Josh cannot treat me like a human being or if the deceit continues then I will enforce my rights to protect my children from the hateful world they don't need to know about.