As parents, when we punish our kids, we punish ourselves

                I have been speaking with several friends lately how motherhood is so more difficult in today’s day and age than it was in out parent’s lifetime.  Growing up during my childhood, it was perfectly acceptable to play outside in the yard and street (as long as we were watchful and diligent) and even allowed to go to the neighbors houses unattended as long as my mother knew where we were.  My mom confided that she took times like these to catch up on cleaning, cook dinner and other chores that are virtually impossible with little one clamoring about for attention.  During my mother’s childhood she was allowed to be gone the entire day out in the woods behind her house all by herself with absolutely no supervision other than her dog to warn her of snakes. Sadly, I recently read an article where a mom was arrested and charged with neglect for allowing her children to play in her yard while she remained in the house.  We, as mothers of this generation, do not have the same access to personal or alone time that moms before us had.  I think that is why we have seen a dramatic shift in parenting styles as moms of this generation try to adapt.  With the scary world of abductions, sex offenders and all sort of other dangerous calamities that are growing ever more present we must constantly have our children in our care and have their safety on our mind.  Despite this change in needed attention, society still expects us to maintain house, cook meals, contribute what we can financially, and raise our children and to do so with limited electronics and TV time.  It is so easy to get caught up in the whole hustle and bustle of things I know I start to wonder if this is even possible.  More and more often I find myself turning on a show to clean up the mess from breakfast, another one to clean up the mess from lunch and find myself handing out ipads and nooks to just get twenty minutes of down time so I don’t turn into the screaming raging woman I feel like as my two and four year old have been pulling on my leg, using me as a jungle gym and expecting me to stimulate them for the entirety of the day. I think electronics have become such a crutch as for us it is a reliable option to replace the unsupervised free play children very rarely have the opportunity to safely receive.  The emotional and physical demands of a mother are increased and as a survival aspect many of us are guilty of the ipad use, the fast food dinners and blamed for rowdy kids. 

                In consequence I have also noticed that due to this higher level of demands on moms we wear out faster.  I have seen and talked with many moms who are downright exhausted and when a child misbehaves, they let the act go unpunished as they didn’t have it in them to fight the kids on his or her punishment.  This is so true too.  When a child misbehaves, I punish my child with a consequence that matches the misdemeanor.  If my four year old can’t share his toy with his sister, then the toy is removed.  Inevitably, what results? A temper tantrum, a begging for the toy and then a wailing of my unjust action.  After a long talk, hugs and kisses the child realizes the misdemeanor, apologizes to me and his sister for the offence and has the clarity of mind to choose another toy, but it is a process.  In essence, when I punish my child, really, I am only punishing myself.  Personally, I know for myself the importance of consistency and have seen how fundamental such punishments and consistency of rules leads to their understanding and good behavior, but it is a struggle. 

                So what is the point of this explanation of the modern day mom?  The point is this.  You, mom, are heard.  I totally understand how you feel and what you are going through.  You are doing just fine.  My theory is this: I get the chance to attempt to be the best mom I can each and every day.  I don’t always succeed, but you know what, it is still something I try for every day and in that I have no regrets.  Yes, some days I have a shorter temper.  Some days I am not as consistent as I should be.  I am guilty of having an entire day of just watch “Bo on the Go” and “Phineas and Ferb” but I know as long as I am trying, then I am a good mom.  You are a good mom or are married or dating a good mom.  In today’s society there seems to be less privacy and somehow our lives are public knowledge, that we are faced with more judgment and comments on who or what is expected out of us and so I say this: we as mothers, all different in out stages of life, number of kids, etc, are in fact all one.  Our goals are the same: to raise healthy, happy children who can stand on their own, so let’s work together in supporting each other as we struggle through each diapers change, broken toy, and refused meal to eat.  So here is what I am hoping you will do.  Either comment here on the blog or on my link to Facebook (tag the person if you would like) with a woman you think is an awesome mom and why. There are too many things in this life to disagree upon, but let’s as mother unify in our struggle to survive the day as we cherish it in our hearts.