Thank you all for your patience, I know I have been bad about posting on a regular basis, but have been feeling like there are things I need to write out, so here we go :)
As you know, five, almost six years ago Josh was unemployed for several months when he approached me with the idea of him joining the Army. From the start it was something I was very against. My sister, in her first marriage, married a marine and encountered several issues with military that eventually led to their divorce, all culminating in the fact that the man she married had been changed to someone unrecognizable to her through his military service. Having seen the deterioration of her marriage I was very fearful, but Josh was persistent. I shared all my fears, and over and over he promised he would never change and over and over he voiced how this choice felt right for him. I reluctantly did research and went with him to talk to a recruiter, but none of my fears were eased. As I always do with big decisions, I got down on my knees and pleaded for guidance as I felt the choice Josh wanted to make was a wrong one. Days later, while doing my daily scripture reading, a voice entered my mind saying that Josh joining the Army was Josh's mission. My heart was softened and I knew in my heart the Army was in fact the choice we were being led to. I was still very fearful, but had faith in the guidance I was given. The four years I was an Army wife were probably the hardest four years of my life. I hated the military and even worse, my worst fears came true: the man I married turned into someone unrecognizable. In the end, as you know, this led to a crumbled relationship and a divorce. Although I do not blame the military for my divorce, it was a huge catalyst for it and I know for a fact the relationship I had with Josh would be very different had we not done the military. I have looked back on this for a while now, wondering why I felt so inspired to support Josh's military career when it only gave me exactly what I feared from it. Well, I feel I finally have an answer and it comes in two parts: 1. I think that no matter what, eventually my marriage would have ended as Josh and I became incompatible as we chose different lives. Although the divorce was nothing short of a hardship and heartbreak, I am thankful it is now while I am young and have the opportunity to start over rather than ten years from now where I would feel stuck and truly wasted is a marriage unappreciated for so long. So the Army was a blessing in the fact that it did sped up the demise that was looming over our relationship as it was clear Josh was not invested in the family or faith the way it would be needed to make the marriage work. 2. Josh went through both basic and AIT with another soldier who quickly became our friend. For a year the three of us spent all our free time together as we were initiated into the Army lifestyle. This friend went to church with us and was dear to my heart. Over the years of our military life we kept in touch. This friend became interested in my religion, which I shared freely with him, to then see him baptized, leading us to the present: him filling the role as my new boyfriend. Although, I am still cautious and taking things slow, I already know this is the man I want to marry. I think another reason I felt inspired to support Josh's military career was to give the opportunity to make the connection with Matt that I in no other way, would have made. I believe this more firmly as he tells how one day at school they were offering the ASFAB (military entrance test) and was last minute volunteered to take without having studied or knowing anything about it. Having scored a 98/100 he was quickly contacted and recruited in a whirlwind, unplanned and unexpected. Never before had he even considered military and to then, in a matter of months to be in basic and then AIT in unison with us seems nothing less then predestined. I know in my heart, the Lord was aware of our future and I know Matt and the opportunity I have lived my life by,
No comments:
Post a Comment