Two Weeks

So as you know, I have really been struggling lately with feeling inadequate and lost in my choices in life.  I am feeling this most taxingly in regards to my love life.  Today, however, I was able to admit to some character flaws that I struggle with and how that is affecting said area.  I have always struggled with low self esteem and while it is something I am working on, I notice that I still sometimes turn towards these special men in my life to validate that I am beautiful, special, etc.   Even while I was still married but a single mom, I found myself relying heavily on my male best friend that I have gotten so muddled in the head and doubting my own strength, path, inspiration, etc.  That in hopes to give me time to rely only on myself and my Lord I will be going two weeks without talking, texting, emailing or seeing any of my male friends.  I am hoping this will give me clarity within myself as I will be able to distribute my time to myself, my mediation and reflection that was interrupted by trying to divide what little free time I had with all these great people.  I am hoping I will see who it is I think of and where my feelings lie.  I am also aware there may even be a different scenario: I feel that as I seek the Lord out during this time, if I am to be led to someone different, this will be the time for that to happen as my mind will be opened and unoccupied with thoughts of another.  Basically, my focus is myself and to be honest, I am dreading it.  For two weeks I will not have my two best friends and that scares me.  I am scared of feeling alone.  I am scared of the depression that overtakes me when I feel abandoned.  I am scared of losing some connection with one of these friends.  I am scared to celebrate a holiday without these people who have helped me through so much. I am scared to be and feel on my own, but know in my heart this is something that needs to be done.  I know this may seem silly, what is two weeks right? but think about it.  These men are the closest thing I have to a husband and my children a father.  How easy is it when your significant other is gone that long?  It is a scary thing, but one I am determined to do. Ok; that's the update on my personal life.