A story I have been working on today. Would love some feedback!

              She awoke with her skirt tangled in a satin, fabric knot around her waist.  The lime green hue of the fabric had enchanted her; a color a fairy princess would wear, but now it only reminded her of sick.  Her carefully constructed hair lay on top of her head like a bird’s nest; woven and knotted together exposing stray strands which hung limply around her pale face and scattered meanderingly around her head on her pillow.  Her whole body hurt and the thought of even sitting up seemed to be too much for her.  She felt movement in the bed next to her reminding her that the nightmare she remembered was in fact reality.  She knew he was awake.  She had hoped she could have snuck out before he came to, but now she would just have to endure the awkwardness and pain.  She wasn’t ready to face him yet; how could she after all he had taken from her last night. And yet, at the same time, her skin was still electric and alive; residue of his touch from the night before.

Fully awake and aware of her settings Amelia began pulling down her skirts, as if that would take away some of the shame that burned her soul and skin.  She tried sitting up but the nausea was still too much and she was forced once again to lie by his side.  As she laid there she tried to gather her head enough to make an escape, trying at the same time to piece together the fuzzy pieces she remembered from the night before; but, as she pondered these things she was disgusted and revolted when she felt his tongue in her ear.  His hand slid over her exposed leg and flashes from the night before paralyzed her.  She wanted to push him away.  She wanted to run, but she would be lucky if she could even walk.  Plus, there seemed to be no point in fighting him now, he had already taken what he had wanted and she knew he was going to take it again.

              She felt his hand move further up her thigh.  She turned her head away from him so she wouldn’t have to look him in the face.  By doing this, she left her neck exposed which must have been an invitation to him because she soon felt his tongue and lips working themselves over the softest parts of her neck.  Her body reacted naturally and sent goose bumps up and down her legs and arms, further fueling his desire.  Couldn’t he tell she didn’t want him?

              “Please stop” She whispered as she brushed his hand from her leg.

              “I can tell you like it though” he coerced, “Your just trying to be a tease.”

              He pressed the weight of his body on top of her, grabbing and fondling her breast as he did.  He moved his other hand to her face and gently caressed her snowy skin.

              “So beautiful” he mumbled as he moved towards her lips.  She moved her head, just barely avoiding the impact, knowing his breath on hers would make her sick.

              “There’s no reason to get all moody” he said with an edge on his voice, “you practically screamed for it last night.”

              Her body felt numb and paralyzed.  She only remembered pieces from last night, but she knew that the feelings she was having now had been the same then.  She wanted to stop him as he pulled her skirts up around her waist again, but no words came out of her mouth.  Although she hated him and what he was doing to her, there didn’t seem to be a point in fighting anymore and she felt guilty and responsible because as much as she hated it, she was curious at the way it all felt.  She couldn’t comprehend how such a disgusting thought could even enter her head and it only made her hate herself more.

              She could feel him rubbing his hardened part up against her and she knew what was coming.   She tried to make sense of it in her head.  After all Tony was the boy she had always fantasized about dating and the slim chance that he had asked her to prom seemed too good to be true.  I guess in the end it was.  For him she was just a way to get his rocks off.  He never once stopped to think of the gift she had been saving.  She tried to think if she had done anything to ignite this trauma.  It all started with them kissing, but kissing was innocent.  In fact she had kissed several boys.  Kissing did not mean sex.  He had grabbed her breast and although it sent tingles up her spine she didn’t want to be the cliché of losing her virginity on prom night; call her a hopeless romantic, but she wanted it to be special, not dirty and cheap in the back of a car or in some sleazy hotel.  Tony had coerced her into drinking several drinks; several times it was at the point where she drank them just so he would stop hassling her about not drinking them.  But how, how did all of that lead to this?  That thought was slammed out of her head though as he roughly forced his way into her.  She squeezed her eyes shut believing that might make it all go away, but she could still feel him moving and panting above her.  She felt as if she would be sick, but with him all around her she felt trapped and alone.  Who could save her?  She had already found out she couldn’t save herself.

              She tried so hard not to think about it, to try and think about her kitten and her favorite books, but no one could ignore the pull she felt every time he tried to push deeper and deeper.  She wanted to scream, but was scared that would only make him want more so she cried silently inside pleading with God to make him finish soon.  As if her prayers were answered she felt him speed up, gaining momentum and she knew the end was near.  That’s when a new fear struck her.  She didn’t remember him putting on a condom.  Would he pull out?  It all seemed to be happening too quick and before she realized what had happened he was pulling himself out and grinning like he had just hit a home run.  Then again, that’s what he had done; he had just hit one home.

              Tears leaked out the corner of Amelia’s eyes and Tony seemed slightly put out that she wasn’t as thrilled as he was.  Amelia rolled onto her side away from him, feeling his home run slip out onto her legs.  This pushed her nausea to a new level and she hurled uncontrollably onto a pile of clothes on the floor.  She could hear him ranting, his voice upset, but the world grew blurry and then dark.  Amelia had passed out.

              There was no one to tell.  How could she explain anyway the way she felt to awake half covered in her own sick?  How could she explain the shame she felt as she searched around the strange room, she could only assume to be his bedroom, looking for the underwear she had worn the night before?  How could describe what it felt like as she felt helpless, trying to fully cover herself, stumbling around a strange house searching for an exit.  How could she explain the lonesomeness?  What was she to do?  She couldn’t tell her parents; they didn’t approve of her going to the prom at all and losing one’s virginity whether through choice or force was still considered a sin.  If they knew she would be a harlot to them and she knew for a fact they would not allow her filth to reside in their home.  She couldn’t tell people at school because she was the quiet academic while he was the student body president; no one would take her word over his.  Who else was there?  Teachers? Police? No they would only get her parents involved and she was scared of what they would think of her.  Because her parents couldn’t know, neither could anyone else.  She really was all alone.

              Amelia stumbled through the front door of her house, too concerned with what had just happened to fully prepare herself for the barrage of questions her parents were waiting to pepper her with.  After all she already felt like a piece of meat, why not add a little seasoning of “where were you last night.” “You have become such a troubled child.” “What have we done wrong?” and the best one yet, “We are so disappointed in you.”  Usually she was able to write it off and over excessive concern and love, but when she walked in the house she could see the disgust on their faces and she understood how they felt because she too was disgusted and she didn’t know how to make it go away.  Today their words burned her soul and she felt ashamed for living and breathing.  Maybe she had breathed too close to his ear and he thought she was hitting on him.  Maybe it was just because she was a girl and simply being born was reason enough to make a guy want to rape her.  The molten tears leaked from her unblinking eyes and she was struck at how even that could be made sexual as a warm liquid escaped from her.  Now even her tears made her sick. 

              No longer able to endure the daggers of her parents, Amelia stumbled into the bathroom believing that somehow once she washed herself clean things would be okay.  She peeled the once beautiful dress from her body and threw it in the trash.  She fumbled clumsily with the bobby pins and decorations in her hair, half ripping them out, throwing it all away as if she could throw the thought of prom and what followed in the trash as well.  She looked in the mirror and had heard rumor of the after sex glow when one looses their virginity and was scared there might be something on her body ready to betray her horrible secret.  However, when she looked in the mirror, she looked just like she always had.  She was still short and slender with long caramel blonde hair.  Her round cheeks and big blue eyes did not show any sort of glow, in fact the menacing scowl scared her because it looked enraged rather than beaten and broken like she felt.  She looked at her small chest and wondered how such silly things could attract so much attention; they were utters after all, how is that sexy?  She wanted to rip them off and throw them in the trash as well.  She wanted to rip off all the feminine on her because then maybe no one would see her, the way Tony had.  The thought made her stomach turn and she thought she might have to head toward the toilet.  She sat down on the cool linoleum floor feeling her bare bum turn icy on contact, wishing it was her head turning cold, freezing all the thoughts that jumped through her head.  She curled her arms around her legs trying to hold in the flood of emotions she was burning inside with.  As she rested her head on her arms she could smell her skin and to her it smelled of sex. She imagined peeling off her skin and throwing that in the trash as well, as if that would cleanse her.  She shook the morbid thoughts from her head and stood uneasily on shaky legs turning the water on as hot as it would go.  If she couldn’t peel it off, then she could at least burn it off. 

              She stood under the hard steam of near scalding water for what seemed like hours, scrubbing her skin with a washcloth until it burned.  At least the outside parts of her body matched the way her insides felt: burning and raw.  She had hoped the pain on the outside would distract from the pain on the inside, but that was only hopeful thinking.  She half crawled from the shower, wrapping herself in her towel and collapsing on the floor finally letting loose the invisible dam that has before slowed her tears.  She cried until she began dry heaving and she almost wished she would through up in order to feel some sort of purging.

              Amelia tried to avoid her parents piercing looks and their quietly enraged demeanor.  She had been grounded to the house for the next two months.  The grounding didn’t bother her though.  She only had a couple of close friends who like her, rarely went out as they sought to maintain their 4.0 GPA  while taking as many AP classes they could in hopes of getting college credit under their belt while still in High School.  With an over-zealous preacher as a father and a mouse of a mother, Amelia hadn’t exactly learned how to reach out and socialize with a lot of people.  Amelia was quite aware that she, like her mother, shrank into the shadow of her father’s ever condemning gaze.  She had learned at an early age that it was better to keep quiet and do as she was told.  Being an only child she simply followed what she saw and had learned the ways of her mother.  However, her mother would never have gotten into Amelia’s current situation and Amelia hated that she had.

              It’s not like she had all the sudden come out of her shell either.  It had all been happen-stance.  After gym class she had lost track of time in the locker room and realized she only had four minutes to rush to the other side of the school for her AP Literature class.  She was trying to stuff her dirty gym clothes in her back pack as she rushed out the door and into him.  Of course she knew it was Tony.  Everyone knew who Tony was.  No one knew who she was though and she shrunk back apologetically trying to explain her rush.  He looked at her quizzically as he quickly looked her up and down, shrugged his shoulders and walked on.  She was mortified for her clumsiness and tardiness and had forgotten all about the encounter after she had chastised herself.

              About a week later Amelia was standing in the lunch line when she felt someone nudge her with their tray.  With the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria she thought nothing of it until another shove and a husky “hey you” got her attention.  Turning around she saw she saw Tony standing there.  He directed his tray towards the bottled drinks just out of his reach.

              “Grab me a soda, wont ya?”

              Amelia timidly complied despite the fact the line was already moving forward and he could reach the beverages himself.  As she did so he looked at her and she watched his eyebrows raise in recognition.

              “Hey, you’re the chick that hit me.”

              Horrified Amelia corrected him. “No.  Only ran into you.” She replied as she tried to put a smile on her face despite her embarrassment.  She watched a grin spread across his face.

              “Either way I thought I was on the field or something.  You should think about trying out for the team.” He joked.

              “The team?” Amelia asked

              “The football team” he chuckled, “no one would see you coming”

              Amelia blushed at the absurd idea.

              “Names Tony”

              “Amelia” she replied quietly as she shook his outstretched hand as she balanced her tray in the other.

              “Looks like you’re up” he said as he gestured towards the cash register.

              Amelia placed her tray down and fumbled for the cash in her pockets.  She knew she was blushing because she could feel the flush run up her neck and betray her cheeks.  Here she was finally being noticed and all she could ever seem to manage was making a fool of herself.  She hurriedly paid for her lunch and made a bee line for her favorite table in the corner where she had room to spread out her homework while she ate.