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First of all, I want to thank all who is reading this.  It means you went out of your way to come specifically to this page and check up on me and that support is what is helping me rally through all the hurt and heartbreak I am going through at the moment. Having said that, there is a lot of new information that was finally given to me in honesty that I am still trying to process, so here it is:
If you remember, about a year ago I posted about Josh having an emotional affair with someone he had known in high school and the devastating affects of not only his admittance of love for her, but his continually talking to her despite my threats to leave.  It reached a point where I had suitcases packed and was walking out the door when he apologized and promised to finally let her go. 
I guess that only lasted a month or two and without my knowledge he resumed his communications with this woman (who I had contacted and talked to so she knew he was married and had two kids). When we moved back to Colorado, I knew our relationship was near it's end as I was once again, the only one fixing to repair it, but still I felt obligated to try and give Josh every opportunity and help he needed.  There were many time I voiced my concerns about him being back in Colorado as I knew this woman resided near where we are currently living, but he assured me over and over again he had not talked to her and had no way to contact her.  After only week of being her, Josh began going out at nights and not returning until 2 or 3 in the morning.  I believed he was going out drinking as he always came home stinking of alcohol, but still I had a fear in the back of my mind that he was cheating.  I asked him point blank several times, always with the answer that he would never do that to me.  I begged him to divorce me before anything like that could happen.
despite my efforts to continually work on my marriage, it was still sinking and there were many times we sat down and talked about what he wanted.  I  begged and pleaded that he tell me if he was done and of so, then to give me the divorce I have been asking for, but reminded him that despite it all I still cared for him and would try to work things out if he put forth the same effort.  he made promises, but never delivered.
Well last night the truth of everything came out. I found out Josh had in fact been talking to this lady for a long time.  About a month and a half ago (according to Josh) he got an apartment in Parker and invited this lady and her child to move in with him.  Here I thought he was living here at my parent's house, but all those late nights and early morning were not at a bar as he claimed; instead they were in the arms of this woman. He admitted to being unfaithful multiple times and has now left me and the children to go live with his mistress and her child.
To be honest, it was not a huge shock that he was cheating on me, and I was not upset about the finality of our relationship, but I was cut through the heart that he would show so little respect to me when I have done nothing but love him with everything I had. It hurts that he would use and abuse me in such a way when all he simply would have needed to say was that he was done.  Especially when I gave him chance after chance to end the limbo he kept stringing us along in.  It hurts because For years we have had intimacy issues where there was nothing I could do to arouse him, but he has no problem sleeping with someone else.  It hurts that he chose to live with this woman and her child, while abandoning me and our two little miracles.  It hurts that he lied to my face and kept me around,making me feel the fool. It hurts that I fought so hard for him and he showed me so little decency as he fulfilled his needs.  It hurts that he rejected me and for what?