Chapter 23: The Fire

After Dorian’s birthday, time seemed to speed up again.  My curious, explorative one year old took over my entire day.  We were routine and schedule and since I loved my job as mom and wife as much as I did, the days seemed to travel through in quick succession.  I began a blog in the hopes of working on my writing and finding the me outside of mommy.  My life was perfect as my pregnancy increased and I hoped and looked forward to our sweet little family growing into a family of four.  Never before had I felt so content.  My life with Josh our first year of marriage had been the best year of my life, but as we adjusted to daddy being home and a part of our lives, I realized how despite the love and perfection we felt in that first year, it couldn’t compare to the contentment, self worth, and purpose we both had now.

Although Josh still seemed to have moments where he struggled with crowds, or pulled away I felt like our relationship was still strong and solid as I showed him in as many ways as I could how much I loved him.  So After six long months, I felt as if we were finally experiencing a “normal” life.  Josh and I fell into a routine of our own.  We would put Dorian to bed, watch a show on Netflix and then head to bed early as my little munchkin was up bright and early and Josh reported for duty every morning at 5:30 AM.  I valued this time we shared together as I felt it gave us an opportunity to be just me and him and allowed us a chance to focus on us again before we welcomed the new baby into our household.

Josh and I had been up late one evening talking about an uneasy feeling we had both experienced earlier that day after watching a show about children who see the paranormal as well as discussing religion.  We were both exhausted and were preparing for the next day since we knew Josh had a twenty four hour shift at work.  We decided to end our conversation and snuggle into bed.  Just as we were doing so Dorian started crying for his first nightly feeding.  Josh jumped out of bed to take care of Dorian’s needs.  It didn’t take me long before I was in the in-between stage of asleep and awake when I heard Josh yelling my name from the other room to get up now and get dressed because there was a fire. I jumped out of bed and pulled on pants that were on the floor so I wasn’t just running outside in my gown.  Being November, I also thought to grab a sweatshirt from the closet as I ran out.  I remember seeing Josh at the door with Dorian in his arms.  I ran down the hall to meet them and grabbed my purse on the table.  Josh was already walking out the door and I was about to follow when I realized I didn’t have any shoes.  I remember turning around and looking for them and not finding them, smoke was beginning to pour in through the open door and I slipped on my crocs and was thinking of going back to the laundry room for the cat when Josh called my name rather frantically, or so it seemed to me in my state of adrenaline.  I left the apartment without going back for the cat thinking he would be okay, thinking it wasn’t anything too serious.  As soon as I exited the apartment door and got out onto the landing I was aware of how much smoke there actually was.  I remember watching smoke pour out of the cracks of my next door neighbor’s door thinking it must be her apartment that was on fire.  I knew she said she was leaving to go out of town that weekend and wondered if she had already left, maybe leaving something on, but my mind was racing a mile a minute passing hundreds of scenarios through my head as I ran down the stairs.  As soon as I was down stairs I started looking around and noticed none of our neighbors were outside and told Josh I didn’t see them.  He passed the kid off to me and rushed back up the stairs.  A man, our neighbor from who lived in one of the downstairs apartments approached me and asked if we were ok.  I told him we were and he said he was so sorry.  I asked if it was his apartment then that had caught fire.  He said he had been cooking food and had fallen asleep.  He then walked off and I wondered why he was just standing there staring at everything rather than making sure everyone was out.  It was then that I saw josh and our neighbors from across the hall scrambling down the stairs.  At the same time the fire engines were pulling up and I remembered thinking with relief how quickly they had gotten there.  The fire fighters started asking if everyone was out and I let them know about the neighbor who had the smoke pouring out of her apartment and how I saw her car here but she was not outside.  In a huge bustle they started shouting orders to go after a woman who lived above the fire and it was then that I noticed the fire was licking out of the downstairs apartment door and up onto the breezeway.  At that moment the seriousness of the situation hit me and then they began shouting at us to back up and move our cars so they wouldn’t be damaged.  Josh grabbed Dorian and ran across the street while I re-parked the car.  We grabbed a blanket out of the back of the car and wrapped a very unhappy Dorian in it.  We stood across the parking lot and watched as flames started shooting out over the roof top and I began crying because in that instant I knew everything was lost.

                Our neighbor from across the hall came up and hugged me telling me we were all right at least my family was safe and her and her son were too thanks to Josh.  I cried in the embrace of my neighbor and in the arms of my husband as we watched the flames grow bigger over the apartment.  Dorian’s crying awoke me from my stupor.  I started the car so I could sit in it with Dorian to keep him warm and somewhat occupied seeing as he had been so rudely awakened.  Josh made sure we were comfortable and expressed his concern for both the cat and the bird we owned.  I felt his concern as well and suggested he told one of the firefighters where to look for them.  Josh did so and returned shortly after sitting in the car with Dorian and me as we waited restlessly wondering what would happen next.  Josh grew anxious and went outside to talk to people and keep an eye on the situation while I focused my attention on my child, or at least tried to do so.  About a half hour to forty five minutes passed when Josh showed up at the car carrying Penguin, our cat covered in soot. Poor Penguin was very obviously in shock and clinging to josh.  Josh excitedly put the bird cage in the back seat and came to sit up front with me and Dorian.  He told me how he had let the firemen know we kept the cat in the laundry room at night and had also let them know about the bird although he admitted he had not expected the little finch to make it out alive.  He then explained how he had waited anxiously and watched as the fire fighter carried both the cat and the bird cage down the steps telling Josh just how amazed he was that they were both still alive.  They gave Penguin some oxygen and said he looked ok but we could always take him to a vet if we were worried.  Josh held and pet the cat as he listened to me tell him how guilty I felt because I had thought about the cat and then decided to not go back for him.  Josh reassured me that I had made the right choice in getting out seeing as the whole building was ablaze five minutes after we had gotten out.  Josh then told me of his experience. 

                Josh has gotten up to get Dorian a bottle around ten and as routine for us he sat on the loveseat we have in Dorian’s room waiting for him to finish so he could take the bottle out to keep it from leaking all over the sheets.  He had dozed a little himself when he heard Dorian finish his bottle.  He got up to take the bottle to the kitchen when he smelled smoke and heard people shouting.  He went to look out the peep hole to see what was going on but couldn’t see anything because the smoke was already so thick.  That is when he started shouting for me to get up.  He told me how he hadn’t thought to grab shoes and told me how when he ran outside with Dorian he could feel the heat of the board under his feet.  He was relieved that he thought top grab his Army clothes waiting on the table for the next morning because he now had a set of ACUs and his wallet and keys.  We were both very thankful that we both had keys and ID.  Josh then let me know they saw our neighbor being carried out and given air, but that she looked like she was okay other than smoke inhalation.

 We tried to keep Dorian as happy as we could as we waited and tried to begin making plans as to what we would do.  I called my parents explaining what was going on, breaking down while doing so.  The neighbor across from us offered to let us stay at her mother’s house and my parents offered to get us a hotel room.  We thanked both but kept waiting.  Around 1:00 AM we received a call from an officer asking if we were still at the scene.  We let him know we were and he informed us that Red Cross would be coming out and would help make arrangements for the night.  When Red Cross arrived they asked about all the residents and as soon as they found out we had a baby and that I was pregnant they started with us, which we were very grateful for.  They gave us a voucher to stay at Days Inn free of charge for the night and gave us instructions to check in with them the next day so they could do all the paperwork then. 

                It was now 1:30 AM and we still needed to buy Dorian bottles, diapers, food, clothes, etc.  Rather than waiting until the building was clear to enter we decided to leave and buy the necessities we knew we would need.  Although we weren’t sure what the damage was, we knew it was severe.  While we were shopping at Wal-Mart our neighbor texted us that she was finally able to go into her apartment and that she hated to be the bearer of bad news, but it didn’t look like we had much of anything left.  The news didn’t surprise us, but it still crushed whatever hopes we had left.

We finally made it to the hotel around 2:00 AM and found the hotel was out of cribs.  We made a make shift pallet on the floor and were finally able to comfort Dorian to sleep.  We collapsed into bed ourselves although Josh still planned on reporting to work to see what help they could offer us as well as to see if maybe we could be put up in temporary housing.  His alarm went off much too early at four and although I was exhausted I got up with him to shower and prepare for the day.  We had survived the night.

Both Josh and I were running off of two to three hours of sleep at the most and we had a lot to do.  Our first priority was to be at the apartment at eight thirty when the office opened so we could get information from them as well as look at the damage the fire had done.  Once Josh got back from checking in at work we headed to the apartment.  We tried to remain hopeful, but we both feared the worst.  Josh told me that all the Army offered to help with was an emergency loan, but we both agreed we wanted avoid a loan if possible.  As we pulled up to our building, the memory of the night before came rushing back.  When we opened the car doors we could still smell smoke heavy in the air although the fire had now been out for hours.  The breezeway and roofs were charred black with soot and ash.  We saw maintenance men up on our balcony who assured us it was structurally sound to walk on.  We climbed slowly up the now black and uneven staircase to what used to be our door.  Instead, all that remained was a half melted chunk of metal precariously attached.  Upon first looking into the apartment all we could see was black.  It covered the walls, floors and ceiling and we knew our home was no more.  We walked solemnly into what had just hours before been our home.  The melted ceiling fan and computer bag drew our attention and although there were items in tact we knew there was very little to be saved from the black that now covered our lives.  The smoke was still so thick in the apartment that it made our eyes tear up and made breathing uncomfortable.  We didn’t do anything more than a quick walk through to see the damage and stain on every single item we owned.  Rather than sitting in the ashes of our life and endure the uncomfortable sting and smell of the smoke as we had Dorian, we decided to go get breakfast.

Hungry and emotionally and physically exhausted Josh and I decided to get breakfast off the dollar menu at McDonalds.  While there I called my mom to let her know the items I was in desperate need of (such as a bra, shoes and other necessities) so she could send them to us in a package overnight.  As I was getting off the phone with mom I saw a lady get up from her booth and walk over to Josh and whisper something to him as she handed him a piece of paper and walked off.  I asked what she said and he told me that she had overheard my conversation and offered this as a gift.  We looked at the piece of paper to find that it was a check for $50.  Our hearts were warmed and overwhelmed with gratitude.  Tears welled up in my tired red eyes knowing that when we were feeling our lowest here we had a complete stranger reach out to us in sympathy and support.

                We got in touch with our insurance and filed a claim before we headed to the Red Cross to fill out paper work from the night before.  After waiting close to an hour to be seen we were finally led into an office where they took extra pains to make sure Dorian was entertained and happy.  They gave us vouchers for the Salvation Army as well as a Visa with $240 so that we could buy Dorian a mattress and all the necessities he would need.  We were so grateful to have that money because now that we knew we would have to replace everything it was hard not to become overwhelmed with all that would need to be replaced.  While I was doing paper work, Josh was on the phone with the apartment complex and since they were aware that we had a baby (which none of the other tenants involved in the fire did not) they made us their first priority in trying to find us a new place to stay.  So as soon as we finished at the Red Cross we headed to Ashford Apartments, an apartment complex owned by the same owners of Paddock Place where we had been living.  When we got there they let us know they made room for us to stay in a town home for six months at the same price we had been paying for our tiny two bedroom apartment!  We knew we were being blessed.  Here it wasn’t even twenty four hours after the fire and we already had a new (and much larger) place to stay.  On top of that the people in the office reached out to us in sympathy and offered us furniture that had been left behind by tenants. That night my aunt and uncle came down.  They took our family to Wal-Mart and told us to fill up our cart with everything that needed.  Josh and I hung back, reluctant at first, but our needs overcame our modesty.  We filled up the cart and my sweet relatives covered the bill, expressing to us just how grateful they were that we were all safe.  As we played the night over and over in our minds we realized just how blessed we were.  The way the fire was coming in through the front door and the strong wind pulling it, had we waiting for a fire alarm to go off, it would have been too late.  Josh and I discussed how none of our neighbors had been aware and really how tragic the whole situation could have been.  We told ourselves over and over how grateful we were to have what we did despite losing it all.

So although our world was in ashes around us we were given the tools we needed to dig ourselves out and start again.  It was now getting late in the day and I had not one, but two friends track us down and stop by with blankets, food, clothes, dishes, personal affects, etc to make sure we  had what we needed to get by.  The day had been chaos, but we had an air mattress to sleep on and a roof over our heads and most of our basic needs were being met.  We were blessed and grateful to have each other and although all of it was overwhelming we knew throughout it all we were blessed.

The next several days followed in a similar chaos, but people continued to reach out to us, blessing our lives with what they offered monetarily but also the support they offered us spiritually and emotionally by showing through their service that we were thought of and loved.  This gave us peace and hope that we would indeed make it through these difficult times and we had a support group to help us through it.  This included my incredible family who filled up a Uhaul with furniture, clothes, toys and other necessities that were “home” and traveled over 1300 miles to bring it to us.  When my parents arrived I knew we were being taken care of and for the first time in days I was able to let go of some of the stress and worry my body had been holding onto.  They helped me clean my new place so that we had a space to start unpacking what people had donated. 

While my family began to set up stuff at the new place, Josh and I dug through the corpse of our apartment.  Recording every item we own so that we could send in it on our claim to the insurance.  We would have to take breaks every twenty or so minutes to get clean air before we re-entered the cave that was our apartment.  We took pictures of everything and wrote down everything.  Me being pregnant often times cried as I came across sentimental things that I knew were lost and no longer a part of my life anymore.  It broke my heart knowing we had invested so much money on all the baby swings, and toys we had with Dorian knowing now they would never be used again; knowing everything would have to be replaced.  It was hard to deal with all the loss, but through it all we kept telling ourselves that at least we had each other.  Although everything was hectic and emotional we made sure I was not overdoing anything because we wanted to make sure we kept me and the baby inside of me as healthy as possible.

After a three day visit my dad had to get back to work and my mother offered to stay a few more days if I needed it, but I let her know I was feeling more confident about everything and all the help they gave us really put us on our feet again.  I really was feeling that this new start wouldn’t be as difficult as I had thought.  We were hopeful and happy despite it all and the next morning my parents left with hugs and kisses.  We promised to call them in a couple of hours because I had my first ultra sound scheduled for the baby that day which we were all so very excited about.  It gave us all something to look forward to.  Josh and I dropped Dorian off with a friend so we could go to the appointment together.  I am glad it was together because what we were about to face, I could not have done alone.