Chapter Twenty One: Coming Home

My heart thumped wildly in my chest as I drove onto post, following all the signs to lead me to parking for the welcome home ceremony.  I fumbled excitedly with Dorian and the diaper bag as we climbed onto the bus that would take us to the hanger we would wait to meet our soldiers in.  After surviving a year of pregnancy and raising a child on my own, it seemed unreal I would finally have the dream and wish I had been praying for every night.  I was so excited to have Josh back and although I knew it would be hard and difficult to adjust, I had wanted this moment from the very second I had to say goodbye.  I was so proud of myself and my motherhood and was so excited to have Josh see me in my element and new role as I felt I had blossomed into the very thing I was always meant to be.  I was excited in turn, to watch Josh become a father and could never put to t=words the beautiful emotions in my heart that filled me to completeness when I thought of finally being parents together and really starting and catering to this new family we had. 

The short bus ride was over before I realized and people just as excited as I was, scrambled from the bus and into the hanger where we sat and waited on bleachers in horrid anticipations, knowing minutes were left before we would finally be reunited with those who meant the most to us.  I had been nervous about how Dorian would do while we waited, but this bright eyed child cooed and played until he napped snuggly against my chest, both of us waiting, always waiting it seemed to finally have what our hearts desired.   My mind raced over the year I lived on my own, it raced to images of our wedding and all the love I held for this man who I was blessed to call my husband.  My mind raced images and fantasies of what I wanted our little family to be like and how great and good things would be now that we would finally all be together.  I was nervous. I was elated.  I was every emotion imaginable as a year’s worth of experiences were balled up within me and I wanted to do was share everything I was with the man I married.   Music from a band played noisily in the background as I watched other families around me trying to pass the time.  It was a joy to see the anticipation, love and excitement in the eyes of everyone.  Even though I did not know any of the couple hundred people gathered, we all had something in common and I felt safe, and calm, and a part of this mass as it was obvious everyone held the same pride, esteem and love in their hearts the way I did.

When we were informed the plane was scheduled to touch down in fifteen minutes, there was a flocking to the bay doors that were opened as we waited in the gated area to watch the plane land and our soldiers exit the plane.  I bounced Dorian excitedly in anticipation, telling him daddy was finally coming home.  I took a couple of selfies of me and my son, thinking that from here on out it was no longer just the two of us and my heart swelled into my throat as shouts of a plane in the distance were heard.  I felt as high as that plane in the sky and I knew the moment was finally here.  No longer would I try and remember what his touch and kiss felt like.  No longer would I call his cell phone, just to listen to his recording to hear his voice.  No longer would I cry myself to sleep over a hard day, feeling so destitute and alone.  No longer would I have to wake up alone, making every important decision in my son’s life.  From here on out, I would no longer be alone.  I would finally have Josh, the wonderful man I married by my side, leading and providing for us as we worked as a team in raising a family.

We all watched as the plane landed and pulled up in front of us.  There were tears and shouting and then full out applause as the door of the plane was opened and our men and women of the 101^st Airborn unit began making their way off the plane.  People would run to the gate and wave, shouting the name of their loved one, but we were still too far away, but still we cheered and waved at our soldiers.  Then, I saw him.  After six months, I finally saw his face, decked in uniform, carrying his weapon he made his way down the stairs and across the tarmac to get in formation.  My heart was beating so fast, I feared it might alarm Dorian, who was still waiting patiently in the carrier I wore him in.  I think Dorian instead was feeling all the love and excitement I was exuding as he was happy and cheerful himself.  We were guided back into the hanger and again sat on the benches for another period of waiting while the soldiers got in formations in preparation for the ceremony.  Although I was incredibly proud of Josh and all he had done, I thought the idea of the ceremony was ridiculous and was only verified if the fact when it began.  The bay doors were opened once again and the solders marched into the hanger in unison, keeping formation.  Standing at attention we saw our loved ones, but were not allowed to touch or approach them as two or three people spoke on the things they achieved and endured during their time of deployment.  Prayers were said for those who lost their lives and then a closing prayer said.  Then there was a mad rush of every person on the bleachers to those waiting in formation on the floor.  I was blessed to have spotted Josh as soon as the ceremony began and like everyone else, made a mad dash for him as soon as we were allowed.  Squeezing in-between others who were already reuniting I maneuvered my way with Dorian into the arms of my husband.

I felt as if time and the world finally stopped as his arms wrapped around me and our son.  No more counting.  No more waiting.  This is what it was all about.  This is what my life was for: my husband and my son. Josh pulled back from the hug and took Dorian into his arms and held him for the first time in six months.  He looked his son over and smiled from ear to ear.  He placed Dorian on the ground, to see just how tall his son was, only to scoop him back up and hold him again, while extending an arm for me to cuddle into.  Then I finally felt his lips on mine.  Fire surged through me and I felt like a princess, being woken up from a long slumber.  My entire body tingled with electricity and once again I felt whole.  I felt like this was the way I should always feel.  My heart was so full that all the lonely nights seemed almost worth it, if only for this second.  We took a couple of pictures and the fifteen minutes we had passed like a blur.  Before we knew it, the soldiers were getting back in formation to return to their units for a couple of hours to turn in and account for all their gear.  The only thing that made this bearable was that I needed to get Dorian down for a nap.  So I kissed my husband goodbye and headed home.  I out all the pictures I had just taken on facebook and was just getting Dorian up from his nap when Josh called to let me know he was ready to be picked up.  Finally.  Finally my husband would be HOME!

After picking Josh up, I counted every blessing as he was finally there to talk to Dorian while I drove.  He was there to hold my hand.  The sound of his voice, tinkled through me.  My elation slowly built and was excited for Josh to see the banner I had displayed in his honor.  He grinned and thanked me, but what really touched me to the very soul, was when he picked up his dusty, worn bag and carried into our apartment.  It sounds silly, but it was physical proof he was here to stay.

Dorian was only a couple of days away from being six months old, which meant it was time to start introducing solid foods.  Since Josh had missed pretty much all of Dorian’s firsts, this is one I had been saving for him to experience with his son.  It happened to work out that as soon as we got home, Dorian let us know he was hungry.  My excitement hit an all new high as I grabbed the bouncer and started making up baby cereal.  I was thrilled that Dorian was reaching a new stage in his life and that finally, Josh was here to be a part of it.  I grabbed the camera and took picture after picture of Josh and Dorian as he dribbled, smeared and enjoyed the new food he was being offered.  My heart swelled and was full.  The moment and experience was as perfect as I had imagined it.  Josh cooed and talked to Dorian and Dorian cooed and ate in return.  After Dorian was cleaned up Josh played with Dorian on the floor and again every minute of his separation seemed worth it as long as we had the blessings of moment like this with one another. 

Once we got Dorian down for a nap Josh and I sat and talked, although I don’t remember anything that was said.  Really the whole purpose was to soak each other up.  It was paradise to once again look into Josh’s  blue, green eyes and feel his arms around me.  For the first time in a year, I felt safe.  I felt protected.  I felt whole.   Finally being together was as if it were all new again as I experienced butterflies deep in my stomach and chills that raced through my entire body as his lips touched mine.   I was so full of love, and so excited to have my husband home to share that love with as we could now raise our son together as a unit.  After a very difficult year, life pretty much seemed perfect and naively I believed it was perfect and always would be perfect because once again we had each other and we could finally be what we always wanted to be: A family.