coming clean

I realize it has been a while since I have posted about me and where I am at as I date again.  I know last time I updated I informed everyone that I was dating both Brad and Matt and open to dating others as I adjusted to being single.  I have officially been divorced for almost four months and have learned a lot about what I want, what my fears are and what I need to work on as to not involve my last relationship with that of a new one.  I am no longer dating Brad as he is happily involved with someone else and have been spending copious amounts of time with Matt that while we have not entered the category of relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) we have become very close and I am not looking to date anyone else.  The only reasons I am slow in accepting a relationship is recognizing where I am in my healing process.  I have realized just how much faith and trust I have lost in all people due to the way I was treated in my marriage.  I automatically find myself disbelieving what I am being told and expect people to constantly prove themselves to me with their actions, taking their words as very little.  I know this is not fair and not a habit I want to enter a new relationship with.  It has helped as Matt has been very understanding and open to lengthy discussions until we get to a point where we are both understood and both feel safe.  I am very aware that I am scared to love again and while I know there will always be a part of me that is scared, I feel there is more I can work on to overcome the weaknesses before I enter into something I want to be strong.  Am I putting off commitment because I am scared? Maybe.  But at this point I am moving at the pace I am comfortable and have a great guy to be patient with me and support me in that so I am happy to say  that Matt (lovingly referred to as my almost boyfriend) has great potential and I like where we are at and where we are heading.