To the Boy Who Said He Loved Me

To the boy who said he loved me,
    
     For years I have carried you around.  Your name in my head; your voice in my ears; your words in my heart.  your struggles were my struggles, ad struggle we did.  I built my life around you.  I trusted you, even when I had ever reason not to, because I loved you.  The way I saw it, you and I, were living life together; as one.  I am now aware of all the secrets, all the deception, and all the un-truths.  You said you loved me and I foolishly believed the love you had for me matched the depths of what I felt for you.  I was wrong; that was my mistake.
     All of this has been voiced before and I only post the redundant as history.  The purpose of this letter is to tell you the things you don't know.
1. The children are doing well.  You and I never talk anymore and although you see them here and there, I feel two to three hours a week isn't enough to glean their state of mind, so know things are improving.  Your son still wakes up in the middle of the night, but he has the tools and ability to now deal with his night terrors.  Your daughter is stubborn and active and to be honest, I see more and more of myself in her each passing day.  I want you to know that I never speak about you in any negative capacity in front of them.  I answer their questions as best I can honestly (age appropriate for their understanding of course) as best I can, but please recognize that I have withdrawn myself from your relationship with them.
2. Although I go through my own lows and times of reverie, and although I am still hurt at how you treated me, I do not hate you.  I would like to think I have even gotten to the point where I can say I have forgiven you of the things that have been done to me by you.  I have no need to hold onto the past, or the hurt.  Despite the fact that I never received an apology (where you are truly sorrowful for what was done), I no longer require or hope for one. You were my husband; you aren't anymore; end of story.
3.  I am moving on.  For a long time I was angry, and struggled greatly with the fact that you moved on while we were still married, but that is gone.  Not that you care, or need my permission, but move on.  Try and be happy as that is exactly what I am doing.  When we met and befriended Matt in GA, I never have foretold what is unfolding now. He was a friend to both of us, and for me it has developed into so much more. I am in no way trying to rub my relationship in your face, but rather reminding you to remember the good, honest person that he was and still is. Have faith in me (as I feel you have no reason to question that) that even in my personal relationships I still put the needs of my children first and foremost as they are my purpose and gift in this life, but I will find someone to take a place beside me to help me as I move on in raising our children to be hard working, thought provoking, intelligent, leaders.
     I loved you with all of my heart and had given it all to you, but that responsibility for you is gone and I hope what remains between us can be our mutual love, respect, and desire for the best in regards to the children.  So, to the boy who said he loved me, I loved you too, but we never really loved the same, or together.  We were blind in the desire of having our needs met.

I sincerely wish you all the best,

Me