Sigh

I know it has been a while since I have posted any sort of update on us.  I guess I have been avoiding all the emotions that have been surging through my body lately.  Sigh.  I am listening to my Christina Perri CD and feeling reflective.  The last month has been very difficult.  As of right now, me and the hubby are at odds with one another.  You see the last three years my husband has served in the United States Army.  I wasn’t thrilled to join the ranks of Army wife, but the decision felt like the right one for us and I have been so proud of my husband and his companions in the armed forces.  However, the last three years have been more than just a struggle.  My husband’s basic and AIT took a year (and yes this was a year separated).  Then we were reunited for a sweet three months before my husband was deployed to Afghanistan (which was just enough time to get me pregnant).  So here he was deployed and I am living in a new town by myself, knowing no one when I am start going into pre-term labor.  At only six months pregnant I was put on bed rest.  At seven and a half months I got the call every Army wife dreads…my husband had been severely wounded.  The SGT who called talked of him being flown to Germany for surgery and once there they would fly me out to join him…except that because of my condition I couldn’t even leave my apartment for much more than the bare necessities.  The stress and worry for my husband thousands of miles away broke my heart, because we were both stranded, desperate and apart.  Josh’s injuries were miraculously contained and luckily fixed in country, which meant despite it all he was returning to active duty.  I raised our child for the first six months alone.  When my husband did return he carried not only the physical scar of his injury but the emotional ones he sometime still refuses to deal with.  He has finally been home with us for almost a year now and his re-enlistment window has opened up.  When he had gotten home from deployment we had both agreed that getting out of the military would be the best option for us, but suddenly his decision has changed.  He wants to stay in and I want to get out.  I don’t even know how I was strong enough to do the first enlistment, so how can I do a second?  Not to mention if he re-enlists he has to do AIT all over again and we will get a new duty station once again resulting in a deployment, oh and did I mention I am pregnant again :) ?  I don’t want to be a single mom to two.  I hope we can find a better compromise than what we have but for now, Lord give me strength because I am depleted.