Update

Josh and I have been living apart since Wednesday.  Josh was kind enough to agree to stay somewhere else so that the kids and I could remain in the town home so that the kids could maintain their comfort and schedule.  Josh came over Saturday and Sunday to spend time with the kids and we have been talking, but it basically boils down to this.  There are needs I have that are non-negotiable.  If he cannot meet these needs then he needs to decide now so we can both move on.  The needs are as follow:

1.       You will not lie to me about ANYTHING. 

2.       You are required to spend 30 minutes every day in discussion with me. 

3.       One family prayer a day. 

4.       Date night every Friday night. 

5.       As always, smoking or drinking is not allowed in or around our home.   

6.       You will continue to go to church with me.   I am not asking you to believe, but to attend and help me with the kids and to set an example as you promised when we were married.  Sleeping in church is not permitted as it is disrespectful and rude. 

7.       You will make continue therapy

We then discussed how he felt he was giving up parts of himself to meet these needs.  However, he knew my needs before we were married.  I asked him when he proposed if this is what he wanted and who he was.  Never have I asked him to change for me. I am not even asking that of him now, I just need to know if he can or cannot.  He is now thinking on this and trying to make a choice.  He is also trying to come up with the things he needs and what makes him happy as he says at the moment he does not know. 

I hate that this is what our marriage has come to, but the separation I feel has been good for both of us.  Josh is experiencing a small portion of what life is like without coming home to a family and having the alone tome to himself in the evening to meditate and reflect.  It has been good for me in the sense that I no longer feel like I am living a lie.  The anger and hurt is lessoning and I feel a greater peace in my home as my focus is %100 on my children.  It is also good should things take a turn for the worst case scenario and we divorce, then I have this transition time where I am practicing being a single mom.