every day

I know it has been a little while since I posted.  This whole getting on my feet thing is hard and a bigger daily fight that I had anticipated.  Since we have been here with my parents, Josh has put forth more effort than he has in the last two years combined. He has been attentive, calm, and the father to my kids that I have always wanted.  So it is hard to keep moving forward when I feel I am losing something in doing so.  However, the facts are still the same.  There is still smoking, drinking, porn and to be honest who knows what else.  There has still been no effort in getting a new therapist and when it comes down to it, despite the more enjoyable Josh to be around, everything is still the same.   I am trying to find my way in encouraging the positive I see from him, without confusing myself and my emotions with the care I obviously still have for him.  I do not doubt my decision to leave him, it is just a decision I have to make every day, over and over again.