live like a Phoenix?

Today it hit me how old I am.  26, I know many would scoff and say that’s still young, but I was going through the files on my computer and came across my school work from collage and I had this longing to be back in college again, to write papers and reflect on who and what I am and who and what I am in relation to the world.  Then it hit me…I graduated college four years ago.  Four years doesn’t seem like that long ago until all the events that have reshaped me are taken into account.  In four years I have bought a house, moved across country for my husband’s job, moved back across country to sell the house, be told I couldn’t have children, join the Army, suffered a year without my husband due to training, get pregnant, suffered a year without my husband because of deployment, bed rest during pregnancy, husband injured while deployed, birth of my beautiful son making me a mother, dealing with PTSD, Losing everything we own in a fire, then the miscarriage of our second son.  I know, a long and maybe unnecessary list, but these are the things that have hardened, reshaped and refined me.  Why then this sense of nostalgia? I wouldn’t trade any of it to go back in time.  Maybe after the refiners fire I have been through I am needed to reassess my life to be content with who I am?  I have always had problems with self worth and for the first time in over a decade I know my role and my purpose and I am truly happy with whom I am.  Of course there are things to improve…patience, weight, time spent on the computer, etc. However, I am a wife and a mother and there is nothing more beautiful in my eyes.  There is a theory in gerontology call the live review process that tries to explain why the elderly seem to think commonly on their earlier years before they pass.  The theory is that this process is a means of coming to terms with the choices they have made to be at peace with themselves before they pass out of this world.  Now for the goofy part: I like to live my life like a phoenix.  I feel as if all these trials literally burn me out, but from the ash is born the new me.  I know, I know, this is getting cheesy, but stick with it a little while.  You see there have been major life altering events that basically are the point of no return.  After my car accident and after I had broken my back there was no way to return to the life I had previously known, not with all the changes and limitations, so instead I died and began anew.  After having just gotten over the fire and the miscarriage I feel as if my “new birth” is complete and I am gaining my footing trying to look over what I have become.  What colors in me have changed, what dreams remain, what scars are visible.  I know this is getting verbose and I feel as if I m only talking in circles, so I might as well end this, but I would love some feedback even if you are asserting that I am a crazy person!  You all are crazy yourselves for reading this!