My Happy Place

So last night I attended a group therapy session on stress management.  We did a visual tour where we were asked to close our eyes, relax and try and use all our senses to see, feel, smell, etc what was being described to us.  Now being the realist that I am I started off pretty skeptical about the purpose of this imagination time.  Despite my hesitation, I gave it my all.  I imagined the meadow of flowers and the path through the woods, the flowing river and the crystal cave, associating images I have seen in my life with what was being described to me.  I was caught off guard when in the cave we were asked to find the door with our name on it.  Although I had to search for my door I seemed to know where it was at.  We were told to open the door and see what was inside.  In my mind I was instantly greeted by a large circular room.  There were no windows and the walls were cobblestone.  The room was brightly lit by what seemed like candle light, setting a mood of comfort and not over exposure.  Half of the room was a series of bookshelves that fit the circular walls perfectly, spanning from the floor to the ceiling and ever shelf was full of leather bound and ancient books.  At first this was all I saw in the room and a sense of lose filled my heart as I remember the large library I had so recently lost in our apartment fire, but I was guided on by the therapist as she asked us to search the room, finding all the little surprises we might find.  So as I turned around in the room I saw a leather chaise with a small walnut table next to it.  These beautiful pieces were close to a stone fireplace making it the lightest spot in the room for reading as well as the warmest.  Upon further exploration I saw a picture of my son set up on a pedestal as something important.  Next to the picture was wooden and whicker pink bassinette, adorned with a large soft pink bow and white fluffy bedding inside.  I looked around the room once again to see if my children or anyone else were there, but I was alone and their presence was known through the tokens of the picture and bassinette. I didn’t find much else in the room, but I didn’t feel there needed to be anything else as the therapist explained that what we saw in our room was our happy place. 

As we opened our eyes and began to draw what we had seem I began to analyze what I saw.  For starters it should be no surprise that I had a room full of books seeing as I am an avid reader and got my degree in literature, yet, it surprised me.  Mostly because after the fire my husband and I decided that we would not be able to replace the library I lost and as we entered the world of multiple little ones it just didn’t seem practical.  I was very okay with this decision and have now entered the community of e-readers.  So it surprised me that my heart still longs for the grand library of books I know is too foolish to own.  I was also surprised that while my children were represented, my husband was not. Right now I can only imagine that this is due to the difficulties we are going through right now.  In honesty, we have talked pretty seriously about separating, but I guess I still thought he might still be in my heart; that he might still have comfort to offer me.  I guess at this time anyway, that is not the case.  The last thing that really surprised me was the pink bassinette.  I am only sixteen weeks pregnant so we do not know the gender, but  this was so over-obviously pink that I now wonder why that was the color I saw.  Is my self-conscious telling me I am carrying a girl, or was it pink because I slightly fear having a girl and I was trying to show myself there was nothing to be afraid of?  I know, I know I am probably over analyzing at this point, but it was all very interesting to me.  I also was curious about the circle room and asked the therapist about it and she said that circular people are more egalitarian, which if you know me doesn’t always fit since I am kind of a control freak.  I can only assume that means that in my happy place I feel comfortable enough to be taken care of instead of being the one to take care. Overall I so glad I did the exercise and I feel like I know myself just a little bit better now.

*these are not my pictures, I found them on yahoo and they most matched what I visualized.