Bipolar II

This morning I called my mom to let her know about the possible divorce.  Of course she was heartbroken and began asking questions.  My mom is only aware that Josh has a depression issue and post traumatic stress, but I had never before shared with her my concerns of the bipolar that runs in his family.  You see since we have been married both myself and my father in law have been trying to convince my husband that he should be tested seeing as he exhibits all the classic signs of bipolar depression.  So I was shocked when after about an hour of talking my mom instead of berating my husband as I thought she would, she paused and said that it sounded like my husband was bipolar.  I then voiced my concerns on the issue and how I have been begging him for years to be tested for it and shared some of the things he had shared with me the night before.  She said that she felt he sounded suicidal and that I might want to do more research on the subject.  I asked her if she thought that would be pointless seeing as at this point I wasn’t looking for much of a change in his actions or decisions.  She said that she thought there was a point because all the things I had been feeling so rejected and disheartened about sounded like symptoms rather than personality and if he refused to be tested then I should contact his superior officers to make sure he got the help that he needed.  To preface this a little, my mom is a psychologist and her calm concerned reaction took me back a little making me stop to re-assess this issue that has always been present in our marriage.

As soon as I got off the phone with her I found a great sight that gave me the information I was looking for (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm) My husband has always exhibited the signs of bipolar depression, but never the mania aspect of it and was comforted in knowing that there seemed to be an answer to all the things he was struggling with and that my husband very much fit the bipolar II.  I went through the checklist of symptoms and felt my husband fit 8/10 symptoms.  I then went through the signs of suicide was astonished and terrified that he fit 4/6 warning signs.  The reality of the situation hit me hard as I recounted the conversation I had had the night before where my husband admitted that he had thought about suicide more in the last two months than he had ever before.  Then the worry hit.  If my husband was willing to give up me and our children, suicide didn’t seem like impossibility.  I knew talking to him would do no good, it hasn’t for the last year plus and began calling members in the Family Readiness Group to try and get numbers for my husband’s SGTs.  I left a couple of messages and after about half an hour had received the number for his 1^st SGT.  I wrote out what I was going to say when I called and picked up my phone to make the call when my phone started ringing.  I guess word had spread faster than I had anticipated and was relieved when my husband called me to talk about my concerns and comfort me that although he admitted his depression was bad he never would consider following through with suicide.  I read to him the page I had found and he agreed to all the same symptoms I had felt he related with.  I also went over the signs of suicide and he agreed to showing those signs and although he had been thinking of suicide he would never do that to me and the kids.  We talked for about half an hour and his SGT even got on the phone to reassure me that she would make sure my husband got the help that he needed.  Josh then told me his plan of action was to read what I had found and would print off the symptoms and take them with him to his therapy session on Monday and ask to be tested for bipolar II. 

When my husband got home he read over the article and he admitted that he felt as if his symptoms did match bipolar II.  I asked him if he felt that maybe his feeling he had changed in the last year could be attributed to a long time low.  He admitted that it might be a possibility.  So this still does not solve anything but once again the issue has at least been addressed and I feel the people who need to be there to help and support him can be now.  I have a little bit of hope that all this selfishness and self destruction is all chemical and can be improved with medication, but I still feel as if things have reached a certain level that this won’t exactly change anything unless my husband decided he really wants me and the children, otherwise I feel as if things will still progress and I mentioned earlier, but here is hoping?