Today I found a part of myself I forgot about. It is interesting to me that as I shed the pounds and let go of the seven years of marriage that has been weighing so heavy on me, how I start to see this new, and yet familiar Cherish I thought died in the car accident. I am still struggling to find her and unbury her from all the weight and faces she has hid behind for comforts sake for so long, but I am finding her.
I am not sure how many of you know how athletic I was as a child. I did dance, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, diving, softball. I was always physically active, up until my senior year of high school when I was pushing to get into the collage I want and focused more on academics than athletics. Sadly, the year after that I was in the car accident that broke my back that seemed to make a lot of that physical endurance impossible. Today though, I know it is possible. Today I ran two miles straight in 25 min. Oh and did I mention I am down another 4 pounds, putting me at 166. Why yes, that means I have lost 24 pounds since June. It feels good! I go to the gym EVERY day. I do that for me. I dress and put on make up and feel good for ME. I am finding confidence slowly that I buried under love, expectations and experiences.
It has been more than just a blessing to have reconnected with an old friend who knew this "other" Cherish. It has been helpful as it is obvious he stills sees parts of that person I thought was lost with age, time, or life. He is a string believer in be what you want to be and I am continually surprised at how much I threw away or discarded as being naïve or youthful, outgrown or petty when in reality they were part of the backbone of who I was and what I wanted to be. I feel happy to find these gyms within myself and sad that they have been lost for so long.
I am feeling more powerful. A person with purpose. Sadly, something else I gave away to be "in love" and this powerful, purposeful person, although scared and overwhelmed at times, is getting things done. I met with a lawyer tonight to review the divorce paperwork I have been working on and am feeling really good. She mentioned a couple times how impressed she was at how far into the paperwork I was and how I had what was needed and gave me some great help and advice as I prepare to file without an attorney. Things are lining up. I am being blessed and I am finding the strength and support I need, even on those days I feel I cannot take another minute.
I cannot wait to get to the point where Josh won't even recognize me because of all the shine.
You go girl!
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