CSE

Well, it has happened.  Josh's child support checks have started bouncing, which means I am now going through another very long and tedious process (which of course I am doing all on my own) of getting a case with Child Service Enforcement.  Basically they will open a case, decide what Josh owes me for child support and will take it directly out of his paycheck.  Sad as always that it has come to this and frustrating that it is yet another item on my already large list of to do, but I am working on getting it done so we actually have the money that is owed to us first before it is spent on his mistress. 
Although this was severely frustrating and worrying, it did not send me in a fit of rage the way thing pertaining to Josh once did.  It annoys me how once again, I am the only responsible party and the only one even trying to take care of our children.  As of right now Josh is not worth my anger.  I just don't care to care about him anymore and it feels pretty good to finally see the "love" that was between us although real on my side, was still hindering and very hurtful and it feels good not having that in my life even though his actions still drag me down from time to time.
I have finished the very in-depth application and now just have to compile all the documents needed to take it in and hand deliver it as stated.  Hoping to have this step done by next week.
*deep sigh*
so because of the breast reduction, LASIK, and dental appointments I have close to two or three appointments a week for the next several weeks.  It is exhausting and exciting all at the same time.  Still going to the gym and starting to wonder how I ever lived my life without it.  I have been stuck at 164/165 for close to three weeks now, but also am not pushing as hard as I was with all the appointments, holidays and divorce stuff I am dealing with.  Still a little frustrating though, but I am toning up and feeling more confident and feeling better about myself and it has been years since I have felt and looked this good.  I hate that it took so much negative to finally propel me into the action of taking care of myself, but I am slowly starting to see how I feel into the role of a victim unexpectedly over the years and it is empowering to recognize and overcome it.