Completed

I have officially completed all of the cake courses offered at Michaels.  What does this mean?  It means that from here on out I have all the skills I need to make a decent cake and I either need to figure things out through practice as I continue on or take culinary classes, (which at this point I have no desire to do). So yea for a goal completed!

As for me and my situation, here is where I stand: I used to really fear divorce. How would I care for myself, my kids, healthcare, parenting, etc, etc. I feel however, I have spent weeks in turmoil over the wrongs done to me.  Replaying years of our lives together trying to find clues, seeing how I was the only one invested.  Recognizing just how much I gave to someone who did not want it.  It ate at me.  It cut me to the center, as I doubted my worth and divine nature.  It made me feel weak and victimized and I counted the lies and deceits, but now, now I no longer feel the need to do all of that.  I gave %150 and he did not want me, that is his issue, not mine.  He has affected my life for long enough and I now have the control and the disgust I have with him and his choices has made it easy to give up on a love that was so very real for me. I now look forward to divorce.  To no longer be tied to someone I feel I am always pulling along.  I look forward to being able to find myself again and grow at my pace and speed without wondering how I can keep a healthy relationship with my spouse who fears my growth.  I look forward to meeting new people and seeing what is like to be with a real man (weather through friendship or eventually dating) as the one I have been tied to the last 7 years never gave me the honesty I deserved.  I look forward to moving on and directing my own life instead of allowing someone else to lead and guide us, when hindsight their vision was blindness.  I look forward to dating and hoping and loving and just being.