Anger and Relief

I plan on being brief as I am still not sure how to process this, but here is where I am at: my husband for the last six months has had his very own checking account, in which he has been selling plasma to put money into.  Then recently he took family money to put into this checking account unknown to me.  When I confronted him about the missing money I was lied to, until finally the truth of the secret bank account came out.  To be honest, I don’t care that he has an account of his own, what bothers me is the continual lying and sneaking around my back.  I was angered and at my wits end, literally willing and wanting to walk out of my house and my marriage as there doesn’t seem to be a point in trying when even now I am not treated as an equal in this relationship if I do not know the truth.  It was at this point that I found my wedding ring.  There is no explanation as to why my wedding ring was in my daughter’s car seat as I remember exactly where it was at in the hotel when I thought I lost it.  I know that finding the ring was an answer to my prayer and if I took the losing it as a bad omen, I needed to take finding it as a good one.  I was still very enraged and hurt by my husband but later that night when my son threw up on my husband he still let my son crawl into his lap.  My son vomited four times and three of those times were directly on my husband and yet he still always allowed our son to crawl back onto his lap so that he could get the comfort and love he was seeking for from his father.  It was a comfort to watch this man I don’t know anymore still be the very best father and my heart was softened.  Honestly, I still have no idea where my marriage is at and I do feel as if I am ready to give up.  I continue to pray for answers, strength and guidance, but feel I am still coming up short.  I am open to advice and seek for your prayers to help strengthen me through all of this.  I know I have been asking that a lot as of late, but I know it is really the only thing anyone can do to help me out and I admit I am in desperate need of help.