I didn’t think that I would still be here, but I am.  I didn’t think I would allow myself to take the continual torture of each new revelation or admittance while I stay and bleed inside at all the hurt I feel.  No, I am not trying to make myself the martyr.  However, I made a covenant with my Father in Heaven and with my husband and despite his lack of respect for these covenants, I choose to honor mine.  I choose to stay and fulfill my duty.  At the moment I don’t know how to do this duty.  There is just so much anger and hurt over the newest revelations and I want to run.  I want to run away and wipe my hands clean saying I tried all I could, but in my heart I know I am supposed to stay.  Am I supposed to mend my broken heart and his too?  That hardly seems fair when he is the one who cheated on me.  How, how do I get over this pride of claiming the victim?  How do I mend when I feel there is nothing left inside of me to give away? 

Breathe.  Just breathe.

I am not alone; it just feels that way.  Focus on me.  I am the only one who can control me: my actions and reactions.  Focus on my children to teach them the principles that carry me during this time.  Focus on my home as a majority of the time it is I who set the spirit within these walls.  Kneel. Pray.  Seek. Breathe.