Two days

For two days there has been an effort made.  Sadly, at this point it isn’t enough, but it has caught my attention enough to possibly alter my plans a little.  My mom when hearing I was coming home said that if I could wait a couple of weeks until she was back in town, she would be able to fly out and help me drive home so as not having to do so with two kids under the age of two by myself.  At first I dismissed this idea as I told my husband I was leaving Monday and I wanted him to know I was serious, I wanted him to know I plan to follow through.  However, if he continues to try for the rest of the week the way he has I will take my mom up on her offer and give him and extra week or two to show him that I notice the effort and he has a little bit more time to try and start fixing what has been destroyed.  This also I hope will help him see that I am not walking out on him, instead it is his actions that determine what happens to our family.  To be honest I have not expected what I have been receiving and it gives me hope that the man I married does still exist within the man I am currently sharing a house with.  I am just scared to hope with all the disappointment I have felt for the last little while.  He is meeting the terms and conditions I laid out to him, I guess now I am just hoping he gives the extra.  I hope that even when I tell him to leave me alone he still chooses to come and hold me.  I hope he will try and express either through word or letter what I mean to him and why I should stay yet again.  I hope he apologies over and over until I can let it go, knowing with a surety is remorseful of his actions and no longer justifying them.  I hope he puts time and thought into finding a way to make me feel special after tearing me down for so long.  I hope he finds ways to show me that there is still love there…not for my kids, or for the family as a while as I have never doubted his love for them, but proof that he loves me.  These are the things I need to making staying worth it for me.  So for now, I leave Monday unless he continues on the path he is on, in which case I will extend my stay out here another couple weeks in hopes he can meet the things listed above, otherwise I will go home with my mom and wait for him to decide what he wants.