Rough

Have you ever cried hard enough and long enough that when the purging is over, even the act of sitting up seems to be too difficult sue to the lack of energy left in your body?  That is where I am at.  It was a pretty rough day today between my husband and I, but things were addressed and talked about that although draining, I think gave us both a little more clarity if for no other reason that those stale emotions are no longer clogging our vision.  I guess I still just don’t understand how this is what my life became.  How did I end up here? 

I am one of those overly obnoxious people who try and plan out their entire life, always waiting for the worst to happen so that I might in some way be prepared for it.  I guess this time I didn’t imagine the worst and life has caught me so off guard that these last six months have been utter hell as I am trying with all my might to keep my footing and still be the support and beacon I need to be for my son and my daughter who is growing within me.  How do you keep walking when you don’t know where you are going and you are thoroughly worn out? Sigh.

I have made it this far, and we are still working on things and walking together, so that is something.  I just hate not having any control.  I hate not knowing what to expect, or what is going to happen and I hate when I have no way of preparing myself or my family for what is ahead.  I am thankful tomorrow is Sunday so I can get go to church and fill my cup.