Trying not to get my hopes up

As I posted earlier Josh has to make a decision about re-enlistment sometime soon. Josh was very against just getting out of the Army and going to school and insisted all he wanted to be was a soldier.  Although I don’t really understand his mode of thinking I have been trying to respect what he views himself as.  However, this last week my dad called and let Josh know he would be able to get Josh a job working with electronics (which is what Josh is doing for the Army now).  The job would pay more than double what we are making now and if Josh ever decided to go to school the company supports such goals and would work with him around his classes.  The job would be located just thirty minutes from where my parents live and it would give us the opportunity to live in Colorado again, both josh and I’s favorite state.  With my parent’s living so close I would have a build in support system and child care options that would give Josh and me the opportunity to start having date nights again.  If Josh is no longer in the military it won’t be difficult finding a therapist as we would be able to pick one that took our insurance and not what is assigned to him.  This seems like the option that has everything I am looking for: stability, support, timing, and something that would make us both happy. 

My fear however, is that Josh’s pull towards the Army will blind him to all this has to offer.  I am willing to follow and support Josh in his choice, but that does not mean it will be easy for me or fulfill me in any sort of way.  Essentially, I would follow Josh but that does not mean I agree with his choice which could possibly cause some strife down the road.  However, if that’s the only way I can work on fixing our marriage, I am willing to make that sacrifice.  I just hope it’s a sacrifice I don’t have to make now that we have a very reliable and plausible option that I feel fits us both.  Josh would be home more.

I fear another deployment, which if he stays in, is bound to happen and I have a feeling it will be sooner than later.  As things stand at the moment, I fear a deployment will nearly break us and I just feel our relationship and family do not need that strain at the moment.  Of course I am just over-contemplating everything again as in the end Josh has the final say in this choice.  I do not want to be held responsible for not allowing him to be himself and I know that whether or not Josh is listening or in tune, the Lord is still guiding us and I will keep my faith in that.  So once again, thanks for reading this long winded rant as I dare not to hope for what I want.