A Full Heart

I cannot even put into words the happiness I am feeling right now!  As many of you know we have been faced with the reenlistment predicament for a while now.  Josh found out today that he has until September 30^th to decide.  As you can imagine this is a topic that has been discussed non-stop in our house as we try to decide what is best for our family.  For those of you who are regular readers, you are aware that my dad offered to help Josh get a job with his company, which would allow Josh to be doing the same thing he is doing for the Army.  I have been touched and encouraged that Josh and my father have shared many conversations with one another about this opportunity.  Josh has informed me for the last week that he has been leaning towards getting out, but that he still has not made up his mind.  This gave me such hope as I feel the Army has nothing left to offer us. 

During mine and Josh’s conversation last night he admitted that he feared leaving the army and that it would be easier for him to face another deployment than the prospects of getting out, even though that’s the choice he felt would be best for our family.  This is a huge break through as many times I pointed out this fear as a shackle, which he denied and usually got upset about.  I can only imagine as the Army is more than just a job or a career; it is a lifestyle and something we have known for the better part of our married life.  For the last three years we have gone through a lot and we both have changed, and it was in the Army that these changes were made that the civilian life seems impossible with all its uncertainties.  So much of him feels like a warrior and he doesn’t know how he can be a warrior and a civilian; making this choice a huge stress and burden on him as he is forced to decide what is right not only for him, but for his wife and kids as well.

When I talked to Josh today he brought up how those fears were making it hard for him to commit to the choice he felt was right, but deep down he had already decided: he thinks it would be in our best interest to get out of the Army and take the job with my father.  I am so happy that for the first time in months Josh and I agree on something and that this something is a big life changing something.  I am still fearful that the doubts he has might come again to the surface before September 30^th come around.  I would be devastated if Josh changes his mind now, knowing that we both feel this is the right choice.  However, faith and hope have carried me this far that I am confident in knowing the Lord will provide.  I am so excited and have so much to look forward to now, as come June I will no longer have to worry about impending deployments, months at JRTC, weeks in the field, and pay we scrape by on.  Instead we will be close to family, make double what we do now, have hours that would benefit our lives and relationships and give us the opportunity to grow in new ways as we try something new.

My heart is full that Josh put his family first in this decision and it validates the long hard nights of trying times and emotions on my part as I realized it was all for this: to bring our family closer together so we can once again work on common goals!