Bad taste in my mouth

              My heart is breaking for a friend right now as she recently found out that her husband has been communicating with a woman and has been less than faithful to her.  It is just so frustrating that men (referring to the cheating men) have everything they need right in front of them as long as they are willing to put the time into the relationship to make it work and instead they wander away thinking they can be fulfilled by someone else, which is just a misconception similar to “the grass is greener on the other side.”  What is really infuriating about all of this is that is all due to selfishness…it is all about their needs not being met when I am willing to bet a good nine times out of ten they are not meeting the need of their spouse either.  It doesn’t make sense to me to risk your family and marriage, if you are that unhappy with the relationship, be honest about it and don’t sneak behind the spouses back.

              Besides the fact that my friend has to deal with all of this now, it brought up a lot of emotions I haven’t been able to deal with myself in regards to my relationship.  After hearing her story I was once again enraged with my husband and my mind quickly filled with doubts.  This anger filled me up because a lot of issues haven’t been worked through yet as I feel at the moment it will do more harm that help to our relationship and we struggle to get Josh out of his low.  Now that I see my friend going through all the doubts, all the feeling of inadequacies, all the self hatred for believing the person you thought loved you brings all those buried emotions to the surface where they hurt and burn my heart once again as I re-live my story through hers.  Situations are different and there is no way to compare what I am going through to hers, but it all feels the same to me.  It is frustrating as well because now that these feeling have surfaced, I feel as if I have to bury them all over again until they can be dealt with and to be quite honest I have no idea when that will be.  As of right now I am just trying to deal with the issue at hand and not let myself become bitter over my wounded heart and pride as I try and work through these emotions on my own.