Total breakdown and another mood swing

As you know, for the last week my husband has decided on divorce as the solution to our problem.  No one can face this without feeling the pangs of such a rejection.  The reality of this hit me hard last night.  I was crying helplessly on the floor for everything I would be losing, crying for feeling like I just wasn’t enough, crying for the life my children would live without a father, crying for broken promises and a lose of a husband and friend.  The sorrow racked my body and all I could do was weep on the bathroom rug, curled into a ball trying to figure out how my life had come to this point.  My sobs must have woken my husband because he came into the bathroom and tried to get me to come to bed, but the sorrow was too raw and I felt too weak that I refused and continued in the purging of my tears on the floor.  I was surprised when he lied down on the floor next to me and cradled my shaking frame.  I asked him why I wasn’t enough, I asked him why he wasn’t willing to try and make this work, I asked him why he didn’t want us.  I felt his tears on the back of my neck and his shaking sobs as he answered how torn he felt, how he hated himself.  How he didn’t want to give us up, but he didn’t want to lose the Army either.  He told me he would do whatever it took to make it work. 

We discussed this at length.  The way to make this work is to have the lifestyle we had before all of this went south.  I needed him to be faithful and worthy of the promises he made me when we were married.  I let him know I was not expecting him to believe in God or the church, that is very personal and I realize something I have no control over, but I needed him to be willing to attend church, to read scriptures, to say and be a part of prayers and family home evenings.  I let him know I need him to be an example and role model to our kids by setting a higher standard of what is right and by living through example.  You can still do these things and not believe.  I let him know this is not leading a double life because he is only trying to reach the responsibilities and promises he has already made.  I compared it to the Army contract and how he signed away his life to their service and how he made promises he is obligated to keep, why should our marriage not be the same?  I let him know that if he was willing to do this for me I knew we could rebuild our relationship again.  He would have to treat me as an equal and be honest and forth coming about his weaknesses and trials.  He needed to give me the love and attention a spouse deserves and if I have these things we can rebuild the trust and love that has been lost and I would be able to support him in his decision to rejoin the Army.  We also talked in depth about his upcoming appointment with the psychiatrist and the need to start marriage counseling again.  He agreed that what I was asking was fair and reasonable and although he feared hurting me again he is willing to try and make our family work rather than giving up. 

He was able to finally agree with me that the last week had in fact been a low and that he felt awful for the hurt he put me through as I utterly believed my marriage was over.  He carried me to bed and held me and although I am still fearful of another lapse in decision he has changed his mind again and willing to try and make this work.  Please continue to pray for us in general and for his upcoming appointment on the 11^th.  I think we are both in desperate need of answers.