Chapter Twelve: First Year of Marriage

I know for many the first year of marriage is one of the most difficult as the new couple strives to acclimate to the new person in their schedule and environment.  For us though, it was the opposite.  Having only lived with female roommates before I thought I would struggle sharing my space with a male, but the transition was effortless.  It helped that our long distance relationship had allowed us the time to discuss everything from standards of cleanliness to OCD habits, leaving us with very few surprises.  We lived in a quaint one bedroom apartment just off of campus, allowing me to walk to my classes while Josh drove to his work at a furniture store.  My parent’s wedding gift to us was my childhood furniture as well as their previous living room furniture and a dining table, which saved us a lot of money as we started out.  We set up a budget and planned our lunches and dinners around each others schedule, always making sure we spent as much time as we could with each other.

In short, life was bliss.  I watched Josh play the games that were important to him and in return he would accompany me to my study groups, helping quiz us as he met my friends.  It was a dream come true having him be by my side as we supported and were a part of each other’s lives.  We truly became one as we supported and helped stretch the other to grow.  Josh’s spontaneity was the solution to my over organized, stressful life and for the first time I felt a balance I had never had before.  For the first time in my life I was spontaneous and carefree, planning life only around school and spending all my free time with my new husband.  It seems like a weird thing, but I grew in confidence as I felt like I had my life in order and mapped out in front of me.  I took pleasure in my school work and was even asked to tutor ESL (English as a second language) students from South Korea, which became a profitable part time job, which pushed my skills as I learned to prepare lesson plans and work with a variety of kids one on one. 

My life was work, school, church and lots of play and looking back I would say that was the best year of my life as the responsibilities were low and Josh and I continued to grow our love for one another.  I never knew one could feel so attached and connected to another being as I learned to be with my husband that year.  Together we worked on ourselves and our relationship.  We tried to make it a point to hang out with my family at least once a month to give them the opportunity to finally get to know Josh and although things still seemed a little forced and strained it was nice being able to be with my husband and family without feeling like I had to choose on or the other.

During this year I got to know my husband better as I saw the days he struggled when he would wake up agitated and reclusive and upon prying would find that those days he mentally fought the temptations of his past that he could still experience with his senses through memory and the difficulty he had in not letting it take him over.  Although I knew these days were tough on him, I was so proud that in just a year he had gone from the drug taking lost boy to a husband and a man who refused even alcohol or cigarettes, wishing to rid his life of all addictive substances.  Although these days were hard, they made me fall in love with my husband more.

It was fun watching ourselves as we fell into our respective roles and responsibilities as we let our strengths guide our household upkeep.  We cooked together, did chores together, read together and at the end of most days we made love together and for the first time in my life I felt like I was an adult, like I was a person of value and that I had the greatest gift on Earth: my husband.  He was a great husband too.  He would go out of his way to encourage me to get the things I desired despite my intense frugality.  He would support me in all my classes and goals, encouraging me and validating me every step of the way.  He treated me like the queen he said I was, as I reveled in it.  Like a caterpillar gathering its strength in the cocoon for its first flight, I felt like I finally had spread my wings.

Once the New Year hit and Josh had a stable job and had put me on insurance I was ecstatic to finally become Mrs. Cherish Borland.  Although it was a hassle to change my name, it was worth it to have the name tie me to the man I was so proud of.  It was just one more thing that made me feel closer to my husband.

Josh and I found couple friends and became social, going out around town and to functions held at the school.  We were living life and we were both blissfully happy.  When the year lease on our apartment was coming up we were debating on whether we should renew our lease or not and kept debating back and forth since we knew the rent would be rising.  As we were trying to decide our apartment began flooding with sewer water from a clog in the city pipes.  We were blessed that very little was damaged as we did not have the foresight to have renters insurance and although it was a pain to go through our items and move things around so that all the carpet could be replaced, it was an answer to our debate.  We began looking for other places to rent, but some friends of ours were talking about buying a house and Josh and I both felt impressed to look into the idea of home ownership.

 

What started as mere curiosity became a whirlwind of activity as we began viewing homes and talking with a broker to see what we could afford.  It was surreal to me that only after a year of marriage we were buying a house.  Why not though?  We didn’t plan on moving anywhere because Josh and I loved Fort Collins and I still had a year of school left, so to me it felt like a smart investment so we were paying towards equity rather than some landlord.  We were very aware of what we could afford monthly as our mortgage and were a little disheartened at first by many of our prospects.  However, it wasn’t long before we found a house that was perfect for us.  It was a house that had been foreclosed that needed a little loving care, but we knew we could make this house a home.  It was a bi-level house with two bedrooms a bath, kitchen and living/dining room upstairs and an unfinished basement with another two bedrooms, bath and a large room that would be perfect for a children’s play room.  It was a house we could grow into and I could see us living here for a very long time.  Josh and I both felt like this was the right things to do, so we made an offer and it was accepted.  We closed on the house just a week before our first anniversary.  In our first year of marriage I had completed another year of school, Josh had found a job he enjoyed and we had purchased our first home.  Life was good and I just assumed it would always be that way.