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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Chapter Seven: Not a Drug after All

(disclaimer: When I first strated dating Josh some family members were weary because they were afraid Josh couldn't commit to me the way I deserved.  Please keep reading to see how this changes.  I just wanted to make sure my family members know this is how I saw things and I realize I was love stuck and oblivious to certain things but this story is my perspective.)

Josh dropped me off at the airport and we shared in one last kiss.  I told him he proposed to me, as if saying it out loud would help convince me more.  I don’t think it was real to either of us anymore though.  After we decided not to go to Vegas, the word engaged seemed to drop from our minds and our lips, placing us back in the safety of boyfriend and girlfriend.  We never did talk about whether the proposal was meant to last past the short lived fantasy so I assumed it didn’t.  Josh’s spontaneity had died down and he was able to see reason and although I dreamt of what that life could have been like the whole flight home, I knew we had made the right decision.

My parent’s asked how my trip had went and how my friends were doing to which I replied they were all doing really well.  My trip was over and the holidays were near, which instead of bringing joy into my heart, brought thoughts of Josh and our short lived time together.  Every moment I spent I wish I had spent it with Josh.  I know I was distracted and aloof all through my holiday break, but nothing else could penetrate my thoughts.  I also hit my one year mark from the accident.  It was a hard day that my parents knew about, but chose not to voice.  I struggled internally with emotions that flooded my heart and mind as I asked myself the same question of why this had to happen to me.  It had been a year of hell as I went through recovery and I knew nothing I ever went through again would ever be as challenging as that.  I locked myself in my room and cried silently for the three weeks I still did not remember and I cried for the pain I still felt.  I looked through some of the pictures I carried on my computer, trying to relive and remember who that person was who lie in the hospital bed bruised and broken.  It was weird because I saw myself in that broken, battered frame and at the same time, I couldn’t recognize the person I had been.  So much had changed and I had come far, but I was frustrated as I wished to be further along.  I wanted to be able to sleep through the night again without waking up in pain.  I wanted to be able to bend over and pick something up without having to make the old ladies moans due to the strain on my back.  I wanted my scars to fade and still believed they would fade until they would be hardly noticeable, but at one year the scars were still very thick and pink. Josh called and although he didn’t remember what day it was he was willing to listen as I cried over the same things I had cried over hundreds of times.  He consoled and comforted as he tried to help me see how far I had come. I hadn’t even realized it was possible to love Josh more than I had previously, but it seemed to grow with each conversation.  He really did know my heart and soul.  When I did sit down and talk with my parents about my feelings and emotions I was more put together emotionally now that I had cried my eyes dry.  While talking with my parents and my friends I learned some new facts that had never seemed important enough to mention as well as stories that had gotten lost in the confusion of the moment.  I heard stories of how my heart rate would go up if no one was holding my hand, and other fun details that helped fill in a little more of the gaps.  I was told that I had woken from sleep one time mumbling that heaven smelt like a lilac bush after a rain.  I had no recollection of such a statement, but it hit me strongly.  What did heaven smell like?  I know I had always loved the smell of rain, but when or how would I think of a lilac bush?  Although it was a simple statement, it stayed with me as if there were some sort of truth or power behind it.  I understood that such a statement was more than likely the effects of the high doses of morphine, but it was beautiful none-the-less.  Although my memories of the accidents and even some parts of recovery were lost and blurry, I came to see the importance of having endured and survived a year.  I wish I could say that I lived a fuller life in that one year because I still had a life to live, but that’s not how it felt.  In fact, I was still fighting constant pain; however, I had lived a new life this year, a life where I started over in my personality, in my school, and most importantly, a new start in love.

I started my new semester refreshed and ready to go, excited that I was now wearing my brace less and less, feeling like I was once again a normal person.  Although I still had days I had to stay in bed on the heat pad all day, I was still able to return to a fairly normal lifestyle.  I was diligent in keeping up with my core exercises and watched what I ate, maintaining a figure I had previously only dreamed of.  I had always been on the chunky side growing up and had always been horribly self conscious about it, but now that I had the body I wanted and the man I loved I was living each and every day as the gift it was.  School continued to be a challenge as I tried to find new ways to cope with my loss of memory retention.  I tried different styles of studying and studied often, finding a method that helped slightly, but made me more comfortable knowing I was doing all I could.  My subjects were exciting and I continued to meet new people, establishing friendships and attending social events.  I continued to go to doctors and chiropractor appointments as we worked to heal my back.  It was weird returning to a life without Josh, but I fell into it quickly.  Josh and I still talked every night and we continued to count his days of sobriety, knowing now he was in fact sober and staying sober.  I began to trust him implicitly and felt like everything was finally falling in place when Josh started attending church and meeting with the leader to go over his past problems.  Although we were in two different states, we were now living the same life, the same goals, and sharing the same love.  Excited about the changes in our relationship when we continued to talk of the seriousness of it, I decided I had better share my feeling with my mom.  My mom, although an angel, was the one who I feared would always see Josh for the slacker he had been and worried she would not see what he was now or even what he was becoming.  I wanted so badly for her to see who Josh really was and to acknowledge the changes he had made.  I felt most comfortable writing my emotions down, so I was able to organize and share them fluidly and rigidly, truly explaining how I felt.  I e-mailed my mom this profession of my love hopping for a reply, maybe acquiesce to the changes he was making, but I never received anything.  I knew she received it and was happy I had at least shared my heart with her.  I knew she still wouldn’t agree with my feelings for Josh, but I hoped in time she would come to accept them.

Other people besides my mom still disapproved of Josh, Russell especially.  Once I returned from my trip to Idaho he made sure to come and see me, trying to assess what had happened.  I think he knew already, but I told him anyway about how Josh and I had worked everything out and how I was now, if possible, even more in love with him.  Sad to say, but I never talked to Russell again and I knew I would lose several more friends in the same fashion, but if that’s what they chose to do, they weren’t friends after all.  Plus I still had my best friend, and he called me diligently every night at nine o’clock.

My new semester was much like my first and I was excited and re-energized as I immersed myself in what I loved.  Josh and I continued our long distance relationship with the occasional problem of loneliness and frustration.  Other than that, life continued in the future I had mapped out.  Before I knew it spring break was coming up and Josh and I made plans to see each other again.  I now had some money paid to me from the accident and I gladly spent some of it for a plane ticket to visit Josh; I would be out there again mid March.  The weeks and days seemed to creep by as we both counted down for our reunion.  This time I would be flying into Salt Lake, a four hour trip from his house, but he was excited and happy to make the drive.   My Parents didn’t ask many questions as I told them of my plans to return to Idaho, so I felt free to share my time and love with Josh.  The airport was a hassle as I once again struggled with security, but the flight was on time and uneventful.  The flight from Denver to Salt Lake is a short hour flight and the whole time I sat restlessly trying to anticipate what this new visit would bring.  As I sat there thinking about everything Josh and I had been through I realized that Josh wasn’t my drug after all.  Yes, I still craved him, with every breath I breathed, but he had become so much more than just something that made me feel good about myself and who I was.  He had become a staple in my life that helped and uplifted me.  He was the one who consoled me when I didn’t do as well on a test as I wanted and he was the one who supported me when I told him I wanted to write and he was the one to listen as I cried.  As cliché as it sounds, he was my everything.  He was the first thought on my mind in the morning and the last thought at night and this long distance thing was killing me because all I wanted and all I imagined was his arms wrapped around me.  I remembered what it felt like to wake in his arms and to feel the hotness of his lips as they were pressed up against mine.  I remember the smell of his skin and the texture of his hair.  I could hear his thoughts and feel his feelings and I knew without a doubt there was nothing that could pull me away from him.

The flight landed and I quickly grabbed my only bay from the carry on department, rushing and nudging my way off the crowded plane.  I quickly navigated myself towards luggage and the passenger pick up trying to imagine how much his looks had changed.  Although it took me a little while, I found him against the wall waving and waiting for me.  He smiled, scooping me up in his arms and kissing me with a kiss that almost made up for all the time we had spent apart.  He hadn’t changed much.  He came clean shaven, knowing how much I liked to see his face.  His hair was a little long and waved at the ends as curls tried desperately to form.  His build was more muscular as the construction work continued to work his physique.  His blue, green eyes shined brightly and I knew Josh felt what I was feeling.  Our hearts raced as we embraced again, a tear creeping to my cheek at the joy of seeing him again.  Instantly his presence gave me a calm my hectic life lacked and I desired nothing more than to cling to him for the rest of my life.  Life was passing by us though in the crowded terminal and we were brought back to reality, reminding us of the long drive we had ahead. 

Although grudgingly, I relinquished my hold on him and we got into his car.  It too had not changed.  It had the same smell of earth and fast food and his work clothes still lay on the back seat.  Although I had only been in this car the trip before, it oddly felt like I was coming home.  That ease and familiarity associated with everything felt good and I soaked it all in, clinging to Josh’s hand as he drove.  We talked about nothing in-particular, we just felt the closeness of the other, relishing in the fact we were once again together.  

Like last time I was welcomed into the house with open arms and plenty of hugs and words of love as they expressed their joy at having me back inside their home.  Josh’s family was conservative like mine, but they were open and welcoming to all people.  That trip I squirmed through a talk Josh’s dad gave to the both of us on the importance of abstinence until marriage and his concern for his son’s progress, not wanting anything to hinder him.  We assured him we were behaving ourselves and were allowed to show our affection in hugs and kisses comfortably, knowing his parents were excited about our relationship as well.  The next day we actually made it to my old campus and I enjoyed showing Josh off to my old friends.  People welcomed him with open arms commenting on how perfect we were for each other and admiring his keen sense of humor.  It was then that I realized how silly people were.  Many people had issues with Josh just because they were aware of his past and judged him accordingly, but when people knew no such thing, he was the perfect catch.  This only further fueled my cause to stick with him and prove to those who knew him of how much he had changed.  I knew this wasn’t something that would happen overnight, but I hoped I could teach others that people can change.  I also felt like in a way I could relate to Josh, although in a very different way.  When people saw my brace they always came to their own conclusions, like I was incapable or handicap.  It’s amazing to me how quickly people are to judge when it comes to other’s flaws and shortcomings.  I wanted so badly for the world to see what I saw in him and for the first time, people were starting to.  This also was a reaffirmation for how much Josh had changed.  He had now been sober for five months and was going strong in his new ways.  He was turning into the man I needed and I wanted him now more than ever (picture 13).

Josh continued our usual routine by sneaking in and cuddling with me throughout the night.  We were both very aware of our choices and although it was breaking a house rule, we were keeping the important one.  Josh and I were inseparable as we shared in those few days with one another.  As always though, my departure was soon looming over us.  Both of us were not ready for that, but I had school to get back to.  We began our long drive back to Salt Lake early in the morning stopping at the border of Idaho and Wyoming for a truck stop breakfast of French toast.   I lingered over my meal trying to make this time last.  I didn’t want to have to go back to the way things had been.  I wanted Josh to come back with me and stay forever.  I said as much and Josh’s impulsive nature kicked in, telling me that he wanted to drive me all the way to Colorado rather than just to the airport in Salt Lake.  I told him he was crazy and asked him about work.  He said he would call in sick.  It would take a day to get down there and a day to get back.  I asked him who he would be staying with when we got to Colorado.  He said he had friends down in Aurora, but he rather stay with me in my dorm room now that my roommate had graduated.  I smiled at the thought of sleeping in his arms all night and must have blushed because a huge smile spread over his face.  I told him nothing was decided and this was still very foolish, but he continued to talk me into the idea as we drove.  I asked how he would pay for the trip and said if I paid for the gas on the way down, he would have enough for the drive home.  I contemplated over how silly this all was.  I knew this was Josh jumping on an idea and going with it despite the consequences.  What about my plane ticket, it would be wasted.  Yes, it would but wasn’t it worth the extra time with him?  That meant I would have to call my parents and explain why they wouldn’t need to pick me up from the airport.  Although that though scared me as well it wasn’t deterrent enough because as we neared Salt Lake I knew I wasn’t ready to part with Josh.

We made several stops along the way so that when I called my parents and told them I missed my flight, I wouldn’t be lying.  I called my dad, knowing he would probably be a little more open when I told him a friend was driving me home.  He tried to convince me that all I needed to do was go to the airport and get a later flight, but I assured him this was easier and we were already on our way.  My dad asked who was driving me and when I answered it was Josh the line went silent.  I could feel the heated debate in my father’s head and the awkward disapproval over the quiet phone line.  He cautioned me to drive safely and that he looked forward to seeing me soon.  It hadn’t gone well, but it wasn’t horrible either.  Josh’s parents disapproved too, but mostly because Josh would be missing work.  Other than that they too cautioned us to be careful and told Josh they expected a speedy return.  Once we got the calls out of the way Josh and I flowed into the comfort of one another as we soaked in the sun through the car windows talking and listening as we drove through the baron fields of Wyoming.  The trip was going well and out of nowhere a snow storm hit, reducing us to a creeping ten miles an hour as we followed a semi.  Josh, never having really driven in snow begged me to take the wheel.  I was actually more comfortable when I was in control of the vehicle and quickly agreed.  We listened to news reports and found that they had shut the interstate.  Had we been five minutes later we would have been stopped in Laramie.  Josh began to panic as several cars began pulling from the road off onto the side.  We contemplated this option, but realized this would be a silly idea when we didn’t have any provisions to help us keep warm.  We continued to crawl and slide along the road, trying to differentiate between road and median.  I had Josh call my parent’s asking for weather reports and was told it should pass as soon as we hit the Colorado border; we now had a goal.  The snow however did not stop once we hit the Wyoming, Colorado border; in fact it didn’t even so much as slacken and we continued our slow crawl towards my parent’s house.  Since I had driven down to their house so they could take me to the airport, we realized I would have to head home first and because of the weather, there was no way we would make it to my parent’s house just to drive and hour and a half North, once again heading into the worst of it.  Josh called some friends and arranged for a place to stay, knowing he was not welcome at my house.

  I would like to say that this provided Josh and I the chance to talk, but the situation was stressful and I focused intently on the slick road.  Josh was terrified as he kept running worst case scenarios through his head, voicing his concern out load.  I tried desperately to keep my calm and before I realized it, traffic was speeding up and the snow was lessening.  We both gave a prayer of thanks and continued to my parent’s house mostly in a dark silence thinking over the experience we had just encountered, trying to regain some composure.  After the stress of the situation left, the ride ended quickly and before I realized it we were parked at my front door.  Josh opened my door and got my bag, kissing me goodbye in front of the car.  We made plans for him to meet up with me the next day up in Fort Collins where he would say goodbye before he had to head home. 

I quietly walked into my house, not wanting to wake anyone, stumbling into my room.  I was frustrated to find my older sister asleep on my bed.  While I was staying in the dorms I had given her permission to sleep in my room as she moved back in with my parents after an unpleasant divorce.  She knew I would be home today though and I had already arranged for her to sleep on the fold out couch upstairs in my parent’s study.  Exhausted and still on edge from the drive I nudge her awake, demanding she leave my bed.  She refused and angrily snapped that I forfeited the right to sleep in my own bed when I allowed Josh to bring me home.  I didn’t understand her logic and told her as much complaining of my sore back and my need to sleep, but my pleas were in vain as she kicked and fussed that she was not leaving.  I climbed the stairs and unfolded the couch laying down on it, feeling the support rods press up awkwardly and painfully against my sore back.  I was furious.  Not only because my sister was unwilling to see what I was going through, but devastated at the fact that she validated her behavior towards me because of my ride with Josh.  I knew my sister remembered him from High School and had heard all the negative my parent’s had been speaking, but who was she to judge me?  How could she deny me my own bed purely out of hate for things she had overheard?  She didn’t know Josh, she didn’t even try to know him and because of my relationship with him I was continually looked down upon as if I was stupid and naive and didn’t see the monster they all saw.  They truly believed he was out to corrupt and deceive me and nothing I said would change their opinion and I stewed in anger and frustration as I spent a very painful night alone on a pull out couch, wishing Josh was thinking of me.  It broke my heart knowing we were still so close and still so far away all at the same time.  Tears erupted from a long suppressed reservoir and they cleansed my cheek as I slowly fell into a restless slumber.

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