Josh had decided to change his mind and has chosen staying
in the Army over staying with the family; thus choosing divorce. After all the trials he has put me through I
can’t stay in and support him in the Army when I do not trust him, when he is
not willing to put his family first and when quite honestly, I feel it has
developed a lot of negative personality traits I do not admire. I have been willing to give up a lot to try
and make this work, but if I agree to stay despite his choosing the Army over us,
I will be unhappy and I deserve someone who wants to put me and my children
first. In a nut shell that means that
after the baby is born (since I still need the insurance) we will file for
divorce. Obviously if he is choosing the
Army over his family, his priorities are not straight and if that’s the type of
person he really is (as he says it is) then to be honest, that is not the type
of person I want to be married to. All
of this breaks my heart because I loved my husband with all that I had and I
feel as if I am in morning for what has been lost. Throughout our marriage I have always given
110% being the best friend, spouse and mother I could be. I thought we had the perfect marriage. We never argued or fought, we had the same
goals and we treated each other with love and respect. At least that’s what I thought our
relationship was, but for the last two years that was an illusion to try and
keep me unaware of his internal struggles.
I take comfort in knowing that there is nothing I regret, meaning there
is nothing I feel I could or would change.
I dread the prospects of raising a two year old and a newborn on my own,
but I have family and friends who have offered me their support which means the
world to me as I struggle to come to terms with this new role I have to take on
as a divorcee and a single mom.
I am scared that I will never love again because of the pain
I have now and the fear that no one will want this 27 year old woman with
baggage and two kids in tow. I know the
Lord will provide for us through as he always has and I have faith that I will
be led to what is right for me, but this has been and will be a huge
struggle. I can’t thank you all enough
for your words of support, love and prayers because it has been giving me proof
of love for me that I have felt were lost.
Of course I will everyone updated as things progress, but as of now, we
plan on filing for separation as soon as we return home.
Oh, Cherish, how I hate this for you. It really truly just stinks. Don't be afraid to love again. My 32 yr old daughter (divorced with 3 kids) got married Saturday!
ReplyDeletethank you Beverly that does give me hope. It's hard not feeling down on yourself or as if you aren't good enough coming out of divorce and then with kids in tow. Congrats to your daughter!
DeleteThis situation is no reflection on YOU! You did everything you could to make things work. You tried your hardest. There's only so much one person can do. It takes two to tango---and a lot of other things. Please try to focus on that and don't be too hard on yourself. I know that will be difficult, but try. Will keep you in my prayers.
Delete