Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

So Josh had his first appointment with the Army psychiatrist today and I am more frustrated and disappointed than I thought I would be.  For starters Josh’s appointment was lasted a whopping twenty minutes where the psychiatrist asked why Josh was there.  He shared the things that were bothering him and admitted to thinking about suicide.  The psychiatrist then asked if Josh felt these issues were impeding his work life or his relationships with friends.  Josh said that it wasn’t other than the strain on our marriage we have been struggling with.  The psychiatrist then asked if Josh felt like the medicine he was on was helping him.  Josh said he hadn’t noticed a change and the Psychiatrist then said he could either stay on the meds to see if anything changes, he could prescribe a new medication, or they could leave medication all together and asked what Josh wanted to do.  This really upset me because my husband has only recently admitted he has a problem and has no knowledge on medications, why would you let him choose?  Josh chose to stay in the medication he was on and I asked him why when after two months it hadn’t helped at all.  Since he has been on the medication he has been in a serious low, obviously showing the medication wasn’t doing anything for him.  Josh replied that if he got a new medication it would take another six weeks to saturate and it would be like starting over.  I then let him know I thought it would be better to start over on a new medication that might work than continue to take a medication that didn’t help.  He said there was nothing he could do about it now and would bring it up the next time he had an appointment which won’t take place for another month!  How does that make sense?  My husband admits to having suicidal thoughts but since he says he won’t follow through on it and since it isn’t affecting his job then it isn’t a priority?!!!!  I was so upset about all of this as if he were merely being pacified and being swept under the rug.  I once again brought up the psychologist I had met who is willing to work with him under my name so she doesn’t have to report anything to the Army and asked if he would still be willing to see her.  He said he didn’t really want to, but was still willing to do so because he does want to try and find something that will help him feel better.  I actually got in touch with the psychologist yesterday and filled out the paperwork today and hope to put him on the waiting list tomorrow.  I am just so blessed we have this other course of action otherwise I can’t even begin to explain how upset and lost I would be feeling. 

I told Josh I would do my best to support him in his decision to stay in the Army, but it breaks my heart to see how they are treating this situation.  He has admitted to having anger issues (although it is never abusive), anxiety, feelings of self depravation, thoughts of suicide, and many, many more symptoms that he really needs more than a condescending Army doctor just assuming he is trying to find a way to get out of the Army.  Why can’t my husband get the help that he needs?  Once again I was hopeful that the Army might actually give my husband the help he needed and once again I have been disappointed.  I will keep you updated with this psychologist  because I have really high hopes with her and really believe she will be the answer to our prayers.